The Click-Bait Headline Thread
Florida Disney Park Closed Completely Without Prior Warning (Blizzard Beach was closed yesterday because it was "cold". I guess they were too busy warning everyone about the Studios pyro they didn't have a chance to do any warning here)
Disney Guests Cemented on 199.5 Foot Coaster Incline, Stuck for 30 Minutes (Everest stopped on the lift)
Disney Guests Re-enter Fire Engulfed Building, Damage Officially Assessed (There was a kitchen fire in one of the Disneyland Paris restaurants that caused the restaurant to close for a few days. It reopened.)
Disney World Trip Starts With Terrifying Elevator Incident (An elevator at the Atlanta airport malfunctioned. Someone on the elevator was flying to Orlando for a WDW trip)
Disney Theme Park Overrun as Thousands of Guests Run Through Gates (Guests enter theme parks when the gates open for the day)
New Warning Goes Out to All Disney World Guests (A push notification went out on the MDX app updating the terms for in app purchases)
Iconic Disneyland Attraction Closed and Stripped Down (Astro Orbiter at Disneyland is in the middle of a refurbishment and the rocket vehicles were removed)
Second Steven Tyler Assault Lawsuit Surfaces, Disney Shuts Down Aerosmith Attraction (Steven Tyler may have done creepy things. On an unrelated note, WDW periodically refurbishes their roller coasters)
Disney World Left in Total Darkness as Park Lights Shut Off (Epcot had a very minor power issue the other night that resulted in a few lights being out)
New Disney Character Takes Over After Company Retires Mickey Mouse (The last episode of 'The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse' aired earlier this week. On an unrelated note, one individual guest happened to notice more Stitch merchandise than usual on a recent trip to the parks)
Disney Warning Restricts Certain Guests From Water Attraction (as is the case with all pools and splash pads, there is a sign at the new Moana walk through attraction advising parents to please not let your kid play in the water if they've got the runs)
Disney Park Officially Under Extended Closure, 6-Day Shut Down Confirmed / Disney Park Announces New Year’s Eve Closure, 4-Day Shut Down Approved (The waterparks won't be open on these 'cold' days)
Disney World Removes Feature From Park, Will Be Gone for Years (The last of four locomotives from the WDW Railroad is headed to Pennsylvania for a multi year refurbishment)
Sorry Folks, Universal Will Not Open This Park Today (Water parks don't open in Orlando when we have wind chill factors in the 40s)
Popular Restaurant Chain Leaving Disney World, Closing Permanently (The Big River Grille at Boardwalk is closing. I don't think they're a chain. And I wouldn't say they are that popular)
Entire Land at Magic Kingdom Shuts Down (Big Thunder Mountain closed for a scheduled five day refurbishment on a historically slow week)
Disneyland “Karen” Throws Fit Because Parking Lot Tram Won’t Chauffeur Her to Her Car (Disneyland “Karen” Throws Fit Because Parking Lot Tram Won’t Chauffeur Her to Her Car)
BrettV:
Popular Restaurant Chain Leaving Disney World, Closing Permanently
Most people describe Big River Grille as: "A great place to be able to walk up last minute." Which sort of contradicts the whole "popular" thing and may well help explain why it has closed.
Chapek Returns to Disney to Save Marvel, Iger Remains Silent (Bob Chapek's son, Brian, was recently hired as a production executive for Marvel)
Future of Disney’s ‘Thunder Mountain’ Uncertain After All-Day Shutdown (Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland Paris was down for maintenance for a day)
Up to 59 Millions Families Suffer in Debt After Disney Vacation (This one just seemed to be an AI generated piece that talked about how people use credit cards to pay for stuff)
Disneyland Refuses to Close During Damaging Storm, Competition Ceases Operations for Days (Magic Mountain announced they were closing for an uncommon amount of heavy rain. No other California parks seem to be closing)
Dozens Witness Graphic Sex at Disney’s Animal Kingdom (The lions on Kilimanjaro Safaris were doing the same thing they did when I worked that ride 15 years ago)
BrettV:
Dozens Witness Graphic Sex at Disney’s Animal Kingdom (The lions on Kilimanjaro Safaris were doing the same thing they did when I worked that ride 15 years ago)
We still laugh about the time we witnessed the Giant Tortoises at Busch Tampa. Our son was maybe 3 at the time, but laughed uncontrollably at the noises they were making, which of course had us rolling too.
Disney World To Become More Difficult To Visit Imminently (There is a marathon in Downtown Orlando tomorrow morning that will close some roads downtown, approximately 20 miles away from WDW)
Elmo Attacked on Live TV, “Somebody Had To Do It” (Larry David and Elmo did a bit on The Today Show. Although it was Larry David, so it may not have been a bit)
Disney World Classic Can’t Keep Up, Follows Country Bear Closure (Carousel of Progress had some mechanical issues and the scenes didn't advance properly during a show yesterday)
New Policy Will Ban Millions From Disney Platform Next Month (Streaming services are closing loopholes when it comes to sharing accounts)
Flood Collapses Disney Park Ceiling, Hits Guests Underneath (World of Disney in California had a leaky ceiling)
I believe the marathon downtown is the Olympic marathon trials. I saw some social media posts last week roasting a columnist that complained about the trials being held in a tacky tourist area when the route doesn't go anywhere near the tacky tourist areas.
It is the time trials and it's a pretty big deal for downtown. Road closures started Monday and our building is completely closed tomorrow since there is literally no way in during the event.
Damaging Ice Storm Hits Disney World Area (There was some hail in Oviedo)
Disney World Erases Hollywood Studios, Fans Fear the Worst (There are more IPs at the park than there used to be)
Universal Studios Criticized for New 2024 Theme Park Restrictions (It's convention season which means there are more 6pm closures than usual)
Disney World Guests Forced To Take Instructional Seminars (Genie+ is hard)
Cancel Culture Ends Disney's Love Stories / Disney Films Cut Romance After Buzzfeed Era Incidents (Many recent Disney films have not included characters kissing at the end)
Danger! Warning Given Over Disney World “Life-Threatening” Area (There are wildlife warning signs across property as a result of the 2016 alligator incident)
U.S. Government Responsible for Lack of Disney Parks Expansions (Ron DeSantis doesn't like Disney. On an unrelated note, Universal is currently building the newest park in Orlando, not Disney)
Magic Kingdom Still Operates Racist Attraction (Adventureland exists)
Famous Theme Park Ceases All Operations, Effective Immediately, Sends Out Urgent Warning (Busch Gardens Williamsburg did not open today due to bad weather because operating an amusement park up north in the middle of winter is a gamble you sometimes lose)
Disney Demolishes Giant Theme Park Landmark After 28 Years (Planet Hollywood in Paris closed)
Guests Forced to Park in Actual Grass as Parking Overflows in Disney World (As opposed to the astroturf lots they usually use)
Universal No Longer Silent on Beloved Experience, Confirms Fate of ‘Seuss’ Location (Circus McGurkus reopened after refurbishment. Calling that pizza 'beloved' is subjective, I suppose)
Insider Breaks Silence on Walt Disney’s Frozen Head in Disney World (if you didn't know, it's not there)
Disney Allegedly Bans Celebrities From Its Parks After Cheating Scandal (The two Good Morning America anchors that had an affair and lost their jobs with ABC also lost complimentary admission to Disney parks)
Disney World Guest Goes Pants-Less on Ride (Even in the middle of winter you can wear shorts in Florida!)
“The Magic Kingdom No More”: Disney Officially Changes Name (In 2017 the sign at the entrance to the park changed from 'The Magic Kingdom' to 'Magic Kingdom')
84-Year-Old Florida Record Broken, Disney World Guests Face Consequences (We had some sort of cloud cover record for a specific date this month)
Disney CEO Bob Iger Has Already Won Back Control of the Company ('Cause he's CEO and all)
Disney Sends Park Guests “Extinct” Message, Change Immediately Implemented (The playlist on the Magic Kingdom bus loop changed)
New Disney Restriction to Remove Mickey Mouse From Park, Closure Imminent (one of the meet and greet locations at Disneyland Paris is closing for a short refurbishment. Alternate character meet and greet locations will be available)
Iconic Disney World Ride “Snaps,” Immediately Shut Down (Sometimes the compressed air on Dumbo makes a noise that sounds a little different. On an unrelated note, ride cycles end)
Pirates of the Caribbean No Longer Entirely Free at Disney Parks (Genie+ exists)
Twin Sisters Violently Brawl Over TV in Disney World, One Arrested (Twin Sisters Violently Brawl Over TV in Disney World, One Arrested)
After 42 Years, Disney World Demolishing Popular Land (Some work is being done on physical unoccupied land in Epcot)
Trouble in Paradise? Universal Closes Down Theme Park Ceaselessly, Guests Left With Questions (Volcano Bay has been closed for weather this past weekend when Florida decided to cosplay as the Midwest)
Urgent Update: Disney World Rival Park Instantly Shuts Down, All Visitors Removed (Busch Gardens closed early on Sunday for the same bad weather)
Parents Leave Child in Tree at Universal (A kid climbed a tree in the park)
Universal Guests Evacuated After Two Ride Cars Crash, First Time in History (The Mario Kart ride in California had an evacuation. It simulates crazy video game style driving)
Obscene Guest Ruins Iconic Attraction at Disney World (A guest urinated in a queue)
Disney World Maintenance Truck Plows Into Guests (A Disney World maintenance worker wasn’t paying attention and slowly drove his truck into the back of Jeff’s wife’s car)
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