The Click-Bait Headline Thread

For those that like to follow along, here are some more headlines.

Disney World Left Empty as Park Attendance Crumbles Non shaded midways at Epcot were not mobbed with people on one of the days Florida hit a 115+ degree heat index.

Disney Introducing Ticket Voiding System, Could Your Next Trip Be Affected? If you're a big enough asshole to get a trespass warning from park property and/or you violate ticket reselling policies, your tickets/Annual Pass will be deactivated.

Terrifying Fire Shuts Down Part of Walt Disney World There was a car fire on World Drive that temporarily re-directed some traffic. There were no injuries.

Disney World Accident Highlights Increasing Closures, Guests Forced to Change Plans An accident on World Drive (different from the car fire from above) closed the road and detoured traffic. From the article: 'There were plenty of staff on-site to assure park visitors that Walt Disney World remained open and to clarify the incident. It was entirely separate from the fire that shut down part of Walt Disney World within the same time span.' 'While the car accident did result in Walt Disney World seeing a theme park closure on the roads, it didn’t stop guests from visiting. The attractions remained open, and the theme park closure was just a small blip on the Disney World radar. The car accident that led to the theme park closure of the main road was relatively minor, though impossible to predict. (note the multiple uses of the phrase 'theme park closure' to make sure it hits the algorithms) (and this last part looks like some bad AI wrote it) It’s a classic case of risk and reward. Yes, visiting Walt Disney World to learn of a traffic hiccup and theme park closure can make you miss reservations. But without taking that jump to the water park or theme park, there’s no way to know. Sure, the water park might go faulty, but there are always other options. While the traffic diversion theme park closure added some color to the day, it didn’t deter attendance at the Florida theme park. There are always attraction failures, guest incidents, and water park waterworks, but true Disney fans attend come hell or high water.

Theme Park Receives Massive Backlash After Mid-Air Malfunction (Leviathan at Canada's Wonderland had a block stop on the lift for a few minutes)

Drunk Disney Guests Reportedly Damage EPCOT, Knock Over Trash Can (A drunk guy knocked over a trash can. Epcot, as a whole, seems to have escaped unscathed)

How does a water park go "faulty"?

This would probably cause some sort of fault

Hippo leaving 100 kg of poop in my pool > RRR

At least if you **** on RRR Universal staff has to clean it up.

Some more AI goodness:

Disney World Several Cuts Hours, Permanently Changing (the after hours parties at Magic Kingdom mean the park closes earlier than normal for regular day guests. 'Several Cuts Hours Permanently Changing' indeed...)

Guest Survives Disney World Lightning Strike/Child Nearly Struck by Lightning at Disney World (There was a thunderstorm in Orlando today and someone videoed their kid splashing in puddles on Main Street)

Mickey Mouse Officially Being Retired Effective Immediately/Finally, We Say Goodbye to Disney's Mickey Mouse/The Walt Disney Company is about to do the unthinkable: retire Mickey Mouse (The last episode of a Disney+ series called 'The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse' dropped today)

Disney on Blast After Ruining Iconic Attraction (WDW announced they are adding The Hat Box Ghost character to the Florida edition of the ride and some diehards say the placement doesn't make sense for the storyline of the attraction)

Disney Indefinitely Shuts Down Controversial Coaster Following Lawsuit (Rock N Roller Coaster had some downtime today. In unrelated news, Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is going through legal trouble)

"Disney Rival Theme Park Lets Guests Ride In Gravy."

From the Googles.

An ride through an actual trough of gravy > RRR

This is giving me some great ideas for my YouTube channel. LOL

Disney Traps Guests in Store, Shuts Down Park Entrance (A large gift shop at Disneyland Paris redesigned the register area where one of the exits is one way and only accessible if you made a purchase. The rest of the exits are unchanged)

Dwayne Johnson Caught Scamming Millions (A YouTube channel with no relation to The Rock was using his likeness to promote cooking videos. They have since stopped)

“Disney’s Nightmare” Left in Ruins, New Park Remains Demolition Zone (Universal Orlando is building Epic Universe)

Disney World Fight Leaves Child Bloody, Missing Teeth (Two brothers were acting like brothers. The teeth were likely already missing because their baby teeth had come out)

Corn Dog Incident Wreaks Havoc at Disney, Guests Left in Chaos (The line at the corn dog cart on Main Street at Disneyland was long. There was no actual corn dog incident. But a section of the article was titled 'Hot Dog Incidents at Disney' and I'd pay to hear that 90s punk band play at Food & Wine)

Magic Kingdom Will Soon Close to All Guests (Theme parks close at the end of the day)

Disney Bans Alcohol From Hotels (Resort staff can not accept alcohol from third party delivery services on behalf of a guest)

Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour Cancelation Will Ruin Disney’s Economy (Taylor Swift is playing shows in Miami in October of 2024, 14 months from now. Every city she plays in sees a major spike in tourism dollars during the duration of that stop. In a hypothetical scenario where everyone going to these Miami shows that are 14 and a half months away also plans WDW trips, and then Taylor cancels these shows, some may then not come to Florida at all)

My head is spinning on this one. That is a lot of hypotheticals, even for Inside the Magic.

They're like Voldemort, you're not supposed to say their name!

Kennywood Shutting Down Century-Old Ride (The park's 1924 Tumble Bug needs its center foundation replaced so it's closing early for the season and will reopen in 2024. The park says it's easier to do ground work before the ground, you know, freezes.)

Universal Theme Park Shuts Down, Disney Next (Theme parks in Japan closed for one day because of a typhoon.)

Disney Guests Risk Death to Attend Theme Parks (People can get really sick when they get overheated in summer heat.)

BREAKING: Florida Theme Park Closing Down Immediately (Busch Gardens Tampa closed one hour early today due to bad storms in the area)

Christina Aguilera Faces Injury at Disneyland During Park Takeover (Christina was seen in a scooter due to a knee injury unrelated to the park)

Guests Report "Poop Sheets" and "Vomit Piles" at Pop Century (Poop Sheets > Rip Ride Rockit > Vomit Piles)

I’ve never stayed at Pop Century but that’s kind of what I expect. At least it’s on the gondola route…