The Click-Bait Headline Thread

Disney Location Removed, Exposes “Rotting” State of Theme Park (Disneyland Paris released their winter refurbishment schedule. On an unrelated note, garbage smells bad)

Disney Adults Phased Out of Theme Parks, Families Targeted (Park attendance was softer this summer than the past two. The usual offseason resort deals are popping up again as well)

Disney World Makes Official Stance on Disney Adults - Will Disney Adults Be Phased Out From Walt Disney World Resort? (There is a special deal for children 3-9 to get 50% a dining plan with a resort stay from January-March 2024)

Disney Abandons ‘Snow White’, Multiple Careers Threatened (Actress Gal Gadot did not see eye to eye with director Joss Whedon during reshoots for Justice League in 2017)

Armed Suspect Killed by Police at Disneyland Resort (Well, not really at Disneyland Resort. But somewhere in Anaheim. Maybe)

Disney Destroys Netflix, Streaming Service Future in Doubt (Streaming services receive regular ratings reports)

Disney Theme Park Location Closed, All Guests Being Turned Away (Attraction refurbishment schedules exist)

and the worst:

Guests Shocked To Find Guns Firing in Disney World (Space lasers and stuff are part of the visual effects at Galaxy's Edge and Star Tours)

BrettV:

Gal Gadot did not see eye to eye with director Joss Whedon

In fairness, she's not the only one.

BrettV:

and the worst:

Guests Shocked To Find Guns Firing in Disney World (Space lasers and stuff are part of the visual effects at Galaxy's Edge and Star Tours)

I don't know. This one is pretty bad:

BrettV:

Armed Suspect Killed by Police at Disneyland Resort (Well, not really at Disneyland Resort. But somewhere in Anaheim. Maybe)

Child “Traumatized,” Disney World Halloween Event Ends for Good (A mom filmed her daughter getting spooked by some of the stilt walkers during the Halloween parade. On an unrelated note, the 'Boo Bash' event held during the height of the pandemic that was a modified version of the Not So Scary Halloween event no longer takes place now that the parks are no longer on modified operation)

Disneyland Hit With Discrimination Allegations After Princesses Refuse To Hug Autistic Man (Entertainment Cast Members are under no obligation to hug or make physical contact with guests)

Universal Orlando To Lose Longstanding Attraction (Unconfirmed reports say that at some unknown point in the future certain attractions may be retired so new attractions can be built)

“I Was Very Wrong,” Guest Forced to Strip at Disney World (An adult showed up to Epcot in full costume, which is not allowed, and was told they would have to change)

Woman Has Guts Spill Out of Vagina After Ride on Disney Water Slide (Come on ITM, it’s sitting right there, and it’s actually true!)

Disney Park Rule Continues to Reject Families From Entry (WDW and Disneyland still have the park reservation system)

Several Iconic Disneyland Rides To Infinitely Close Next Month (Disneyland has a refurbishment schedule. And I copy/pasted the headline, no typo on my end)

Homeless Man Found Sleeping in Disney World, Multiple Guests Report Safety Issue (A YouTube 'influencer' pretended to be homeless in the park and annoyed the guests he interacted with)

Disney Refuses and Rejects Firework Viewing From Guests, Extra Payment Needed (after hours ticketed events require a ticket)

Bluey Joins MAGA Movement in Recent Report (someone made a pro-Trump meme featuring Bluey)

Universal Park Stops Selling Tickets, Guests Turned Away at the Gate (HHN is sold out tonight)

Disneyland Resort Issues Warning to All Guests Effective Immediately (Disneyland Paris updated their refurbishment schedule)

Universal Ride Officially Deemed “Worst Coaster in the World” (In a wild turn of events, truer words have never been spoken. All other coasters > Rip Ride Rockit)

I feel seen

Disney Park Suffers “Plague”, Multiple Attractions Refuse Guests (Rides have downtimes. Unfortunately yesterday at Epcot two rides had downtimes at the same time)

Mega Theme Park Chain Rejects Diabetic Guests, Refuses Medical Equipment (From the looks of it, someone tried to come into Carowinds during Scarowinds, which has a no bag policy, with a medical bag. Piecing the tweets together, it appears the park was strictly enforcing the "only items for medical necessity" and would not allow the guest to also use the bag for personal item storage)

Secret Disney Rule Targets All Crying Children at Theme Park (If a kid doesn't meet the height requirement for a ride they can get a fun certificate encouraging them to come back when they are tall enough. But you have to ask.)

Life-Threatening Rhino Charges Disney Guests During Safari (One of the white rhinos on Kilimanjaro Safaris tapped a ride vehicle. As a former safari driver, this is not incredibly uncommon - and the vehicles are designed for this and the guest/driver seating is elevated enough where it will never create any sort of safety situation. Because, you know, Disney isn't out to get guests injured by the animals in an animal attraction)

Fecal Matter Reportedly Seen on Rise of the Resistance (This one speaks for itself)

Nor are they out to get their animals injured by the park-goers. Which is more likely.

You should have some good material soon with the planned Skyliner shutdown in January and this morning's monorail outage due to a flat tire.

bigboy:

and this morning's monorail outage due to a flat tire.

BREAKING: Monorail Evacuated After “Explosion” in Walt Disney World

Murderous Animal Eats Rat Alive in Disney World / Guests Watch in Horror as Live Rat Gets Eaten in Disney World (An ibis ate a rat at Epcot)

Universal Rule Now Forbids Guest Entry on Certain Attractions, Disney Joins (The parks are getting a bit more strict on guests filming their own personal POVs onboard certain rides)

Goodbye! Total Closure as Disney World Theme Park Shuts Down Indefinitely (Typhoon Lagoon is closed for winter refurbishment)

Disney’s Jungle Cruise Closed Indefinitely Following On-Ride Incident / Disney’s legendary Jungle Cruise attraction is no more, at least for the foreseeable future. (A boat on Jungle Cruise stalled out and had to get towed.)

Disney Now Ranks as One of The Most-Hated Brands After Recent Changes / Disney Is Dead, Why Are the Masses Shocked by Change? (Walt Disney is no longer alive)

OMG! They killed Remy!

Notices Sent to Guests Restricting Time Spent at Disney World Resort (During busier times you can't park at the resorts without a room or dining reservation)

“Doomed” Roller Coaster Reopens At California Theme Park (Knotts reopened Xcelerator)

Six Flags Guests Now “Required” to Pay for Personal Security Guards to Avoid Stabbings (Six Flags has VIP tours. If there is a celebrity in the park with a VIP tour guide, they also usually have security nearby)

Disney World Prices Out EPCOT Drunks (Disney hates poor people)

Disneyland Guest Arrested After Getting Naked in Front of Thousands (Disneyland Guest Arrested After Getting Naked in Front of Thousands)

That's a remarkably accurate headline for them.

Sometimes they just write themselves.

Disney Eliminates Donald Duck From Controversial Attraction Immediately (A 'Hidden Donald' on a decorative chair in a show scene on Haunted Mansion has been removed for the new 'Hat Box Ghost')

Disney’s Latest Expansion Deemed Future Lawsuit, Warning Issued to Guests (There are stanchions in theme parks)

Disneyland Shuts Down With No Warning, Guests Left Shocked With Park “A Zoo” of Confusion (There was a minor earthquake in Anaheim yesterday. Per protocol, certain attractions were closed for a short time until maintenance could do an inspection and clear them to reopen. The park itself never closed and many attractions remained open)

Pirates of the Caribbean To Be Removed at Disneyland, Replaced by Peter Pan (In Fantasmic. Not the actual ride)

Disney’s Latest Restriction Turns Families Away, New Rule Implemented (As we get close to peak holiday season, there will be extra parking restrictions at the resorts to make sure there is availability for resort guests and those with dining reservations)

Warning Now Issued For Disney World Resort Guests (Resort guests were notified that there will be an after hours pyrotechnic test at the 'Studios.)