The Click-Bait Headline Thread

Unattended Child Put in Grave Danger During Shocking Disney World Incident (An annoying kid climbed the decorative posts in front of the Emporium)

53 Years Gone: Disney Announces Historic Overhaul of Magic Kingdom (Magic Kingdom will get some new stuff)

First Splash Mountain, Now Space Mountain: Disney Parks Officially Begins Removal of Opening Day Attraction (Tokyo is reimagining their Space Mountain)

Disney Carries Out Mission to Shrink Guests “Waistlines”, 2024 Reduction Plan Announced (Coca Cola and Marvel are teaming up for limited edition cans of soda. Some of these sodas are zero sugar)

Fans Furious: Magic Kingdom Called To Cease Ride Operations (Park fans talk on social media about their favorite and least favorite rides)

Disney World Plans Destruction of Massive Theme Park (Dinoland at Animal Kingdom is getting rethemed to Zootopia)

Disney Monorail System to be Dismantled by 2028, Removed Entirely (A monorail in Las Vegas that runs the same style Mark VI vehicles is closing in the future)

Confirmed: Disney World Will Go 100% Dark in 24 Hours, Thousands Caught in Path (Yesterday was the eclipse. Orlando had 60% totality. Can confirm: it did not go 100% dark)

Ryan Seacrest Immediately Axed as Sole ‘American Idol’ Host After 22 Years (Vanna White had a cameo on a recent episode of 'Idol' as a cross promo since Ryan Seacrest will be taking over Wheel of Fortune when Pat Sajak retires)

BrettV:

Confirmed: Disney World Will Go 100% Dark in 24 Hours, Thousands Caught in Path (Yesterday was the eclipse. Orlando had 60% totality. Can confirm: it did not go 100% dark)

But in 2045 this headline will actually be true.

There was an ITM headline the other day relating to the TT2 test run that saw something fly off the train at the top hat. Said something about a "head shaped object." I refuse to click on those headlines because I don't want Google thinking that I want to be fed more of those, which is why I rely on the yeoman's work that BrettV is doing over here.

Disney Advised To Allow Weapons Into Theme Parks/Multiple Deadly Weapons Confiscated at Disney World (You can buy cheap toys that look like weapons from the Pirates of the Caribbean and Indiana Jones franchises at various gift shops across property)

Disney’s Urgent Plea: 1000+ Predicted to Stay Home This Weekend, Following Advisory (There is a RunDisney event this weekend that will close some roads and likely bring in heavier weekend crowds)

Smoking Officially Returns to Disneyland Park (Disneyland Paris still has designated smoking areas in the park. One of them was closed for a while and recently reopened)

Disney World To Turn Into Permanent Ghost Town by 2025, Expert Predicts (Epic Universe is a thing)

Pre-Meditated “Attack” Results in Catastrophic Explosion at Universal, Thousands in Attendance (The actual backlot area at Universal Hollywood was being used for production and some lucky tram tour guests got to see a boat explosion scene get filmed)

Guests Flee Disneyland Amid Invasive Security Tests, No-Bag Rule (Apparently it's a thing that Disneyland is always slow during Coachella and locals take advantage of a few days of short lines)

Without Warning: Disney World Closes Iconic Magic Kingdom Entrance (A hardly utilized gift shop at the Transportation & Ticket Center closed years ago)

Disney Accused of Destroying a Small Business, Allegedly Stiffing It For $48 Million and Making Sexist Remarks About Its Owner (A contractor lost a contract to another contractor)

Disney World Announces Multiple Month Closure in 2025 (Resort swimming pool refurbishment schedules are up)

Comment under a friends’s Facebook post about their trip to Disney.

No, they just took it down during the hurricane.

“RUMOR: Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit Will Close Permanently in 2025”

We can only dream. Or not cuz memes at the expense of people’s suffering are great.

Six Flags Abruptly Shuts Down Operations After Orders from Donald Trump (A Trump rally in North Carolina was cancelled for bad storms. Carowinds closed today early due to the same bad weather)

Closure Update: Florida Theme Park Must Shut Forever as of Tomorrow, Government Says (The Miami Seaquarium is going though some stuff)

Safety Hazard: Disney World Coaster Called To Cease Operations (It's annoying when people do call and response to ride preshows)

Universal Orlando Closes Down Jurassic Park Ride Indefinitely (It's refurbishment time for Pteranodon Flyers)

Mother and Child Thrown From Disney Roller Coaster/Child Tossed off of Big Thunder Mountain Roller Coaster (A photograph of a mother and son was seen placed in the rockwork at the edge of the queue area)

‘Song of the South’ Rides Again, Canceled Splash Mountain Makes Its Return to Disney World (References to Splash Mountain can still be seen around the park if you look closely)

Family Intentionally Spreads Child’s Bodily Fluids All Over Disney World Ride (A kid peed in the Rise of the Resistance queue)

Terrified Guests Shut Down Multiple Disney Rides (Dinosaur is getting a retheme. On an unrelated note, some guests like to stay at the park until the end of the night)

I thought the various call-and-response answers to "What do they call themselves?" in Guardians were pretty funny, TBH. But, I'm known to be irreverent.

BrettV:

Six Flags Abruptly Shuts Down Operations After Orders from Donald Trump (A Trump rally in North Carolina was cancelled for bad storms. Carowinds closed today early due to the same bad weather)

Mother and Child Thrown From Disney Roller Coaster/Child Tossed off of Big Thunder Mountain Roller Coaster (A photograph of a mother and son was seen placed in the rockwork at the edge of the queue area)

I get that the headlines can be stretched a bit, but these two seem to be going a bit too far as they are simply not true. I guess that is the state of the internet world that we live in.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

Disney Performer Dies on Stage Mid-Show (One time on Country Bear Jamboree one of the animatronics malfunctioned and the show was unable to finish)

Magic Kingdom Lockdown: New Measures to Limit Guest Entry Revealed (One of the Disney After Hours ticketed events sold out)

World’s Tallest and Fastest Strata-Coaster Raises Concerns After Numerous Dangerous Maneuvers (Top Thrill 2 opened)

Disney showing quite the innovative spirit by selling a set number of tickets for an event.

Disney Asks Guests to Go Home, Shuts Down All Outdoor Attractions Amid National Alert/National Alert Ceases All Outdoor Operations at Disney, All Guests Suspended (Outdoor attractions at Disneyland Paris closed during thunderstorms)

GAME CHANGER: Netflix Unveils New Theme Park & Resort, Challenges Disney's Reign (Netflix is releasing a "digital theme park" A.K.A. a Roblox game.) Can they get any worse?

Fireworks at Magic Kingdom To Cease Normal Operations After Pointed Development (Happily Ever After at Magic Kingdom is being moved from 9pm to 9:20pm because it gets dark later in the summer and it's easier to see the castle projections when it's completely dark outside)

Major U.S. Theme Park Announces Closure After Dolly Parton's Dollywood Death (Dorney - yes - Dorney closed at 5pm today due to bad thunderstorms. On an unrelated note, Dollywood has closed early for bad weather in the past, which caused the 'death' of that operating day)

Magic Kingdom No Longer: Classic Disney World Park Facing Expiration After 53 Years (Tiana's Bayou Adventure is opening this summer. Tron opened last year.)

Disney Ceases Operations: Transportation on Indefinite Hiatus, Safety Compromised (Ferry boats on property don't operate when there is lightning)

CONFIRMED: Sparkling New Disney Park Quietly Opens in Colorado, Follows a Different Path Than Its Sister Parks (In 1959 an entertainment complex called the Celebrity Sports Center opened in Colorado. Recent information shows Walt Disney was an investor in the project)

Dolly Parton Makes Official Decision on Future of Dollywood Theme Park Post Sudden Closure (Generic AI-written biography of Dolly Parton)

Permanent Suspension Imposed on 3 Princesses by Disney After Controversial Complaints (The 'Disney Dream's night show at Disneyland Paris is ending May 30 and a new show will take its place May 31)

Frontierland in the Magic Kingdom Shut Down for the Worst Possible Reason (There was a sewage backup in Frontierland)

That last one could be legit. Depending on size.