The Click-Bait Headline Thread

BrettV:

Official: Six Flags Moving to Charlotte; Is Carowinds Closing Permanently? (No, it's not)

Early? Yes.

Permanently? No.

Disney World Trips Forbidden by Multiple Airlines, Airport Issues Immediate Travel Alert (MCO has a lot of flight delays during summer thunderstorms)

Guest Smears Medical Waste Over Disney World Ride, Leaves the Scene (It's common to see sweat marks on ride seats when sweaty people stand up)

Dolly Parton's Dollywood Theme Park Goes Missing, Entire Land Abandoned Forever (Certain original park attractions are no longer open)

New Disney World Capacity Assessment Will Aim at Separating Hundreds of Families (A single rider line was added to Rise of the Resistance)

Tower of Terror Halts All Operations After Reported Death on 30-Year-Old Disney Ride (Tower of Terror had a building evacuation a few weeks ago. On an unrelated note, all human beings eventually pass away)

Universal Attraction Suffers “Serious” Damage, Guests Witness in Real-Time (One of the quick service restaurants had a leaky roof)

Woman Flashes Penis to Children at Disney World, Walks Away Unscathed (Some people make unusual tattoo choices)

Official: Disney World Cutting Ties With Active President Joe Biden (Hall of Presidents updates every time we elect a new President. One way or another it's getting a change in 2025)

Disney Enacted Sudden Guest Suspension, Entry Gates Cease Final Operations (The entry system at Disneyland Paris was affected by the Friday morning global tech outage)

Six Flags and Cedar Points are Still Behaving Like Two Separate Companies (A few weeks after the merger your Six Flags pass still doesn't get you into, uh, Cedar Points)

Woman Banned at Popular Theme Park Following Tragic Roller Coaster Accident (A very tall woman was recently turned away from Banshee and Invertigo at Kings Island since she was over the height limit. In unrelated news, the Banshee accident happened)

Guests Who Visit From the Lone Star State (and a Few Other States) Are In For a Shock When They Arrive at Disney World (Dr. Pepper is not available at WDW)

Disney World Guests Banned From Booking Vacations, Given “Reality Check” (Walt Disney World is busy during the Christmas & New Year's holiday)

Disneyland Roller Coaster Car Comes off Main Track, Entire Ride Comes to a Halt) Someone got video of a Matterhorn train being transferred onto the transfer table)

Six Flags Implements Controversial Ejection Policy, Paying Guests to be Denied Entry (Your Cedar Fair legacy pass won't get you into legacy Six Flags parks)

Unexpected Threat Shuts Down Magic Kingdom Rides, Classic Attraction Boarded Up (Outdoor rides and attractions don't operate in lightning. Attractions under refurbishment typically have the temporary refurbishment walls set up at the entrance)

Disney Issues Urgent Notice: Tiana’s Bayou Adventure Abruptly Canceled, Restrictions in Place (see above about lightning)

Dollywood Closure and Police Investigations Prompt Dolly Parton to Abandon Park, New Venture Confirmed (Dollywood closed for a day last week for a water main break and local police stepped in to help direct traffic out of the parking lot)

Wild Animals Accidentally RUIN Disney Parade (A mother duck and her babies tried to cross the street in the middle of the parade.)

Close Call: Brakes Fail on Disney’s Big Thunder Mountain Roller Coaster, Train Derails (Big Thunder Mountain at Disneyland set up in a block brake and the ride had a standard evac)

Urgent: Walt Disney World Engulfed by Multiple Fires, Lightning Flames as Emergency Crews Mobilized (There was a brush fire near WDW property in the same place there always seems to be a brush fire)

Disney Requests Financial Help and Forgiveness From Over 100,000 Guests (Some good deals have popped up)

Disney Officially Removes Tomorrowland From Magic Kingdom (Space Mountain had a downtime)

Theme Park Faces Questions as Guests Realize 97-Year-Old Roller Coaster Is Held up by Blocks (The Kennywood Racer thing)

"What the Hell?!" Whoopi Goldberg Blasts Donald Trump's Running Mate (Good for her)

It seems that they changed the headline of the JD Vance story to "ABC Star Slams Donald Trump’s Controversial Running Mate."

I bet it was to better tie in the story to Disney (because Disney owns ABC.)

Florida Theme Park Ceases All Operations Effective Today - One of the most popular theme parks in Florida has confirmed sorrowful news, announcing that it will cease operations effective today. (BGT closed two hours early for bad storms)

Florida Faces Federal Emergency: Disney Vacation Cancellations Recommended for Safety (A tropical storm/depression will be grazing an area near WDW)

Disney Warns Guests Against Riding One of Its Scariest Theme Park Attractions (In the lobby area of the Hollywood Tower Hotel there is a fun Easter egg)

Cedar Point Confirms Permanent Shutdown Following Demands for Immediate Federal Action (Snake River Falls is being retired. And some PETA folks got mad when the camel escaped from the Barnyard earlier this season)

Impending Tropical Storm Sparks Mass Disney World Cancellations as Florida Weather Turns Deadly (When did Mark Johnson start writing clickbait headlines?)

Major Airlines Continue To Cease Flights to Orlando, Countless Disney Getaways To Face Consequences (A two year old Canadian airline, Lynx Air, folded the other day. Unrelated: a budget airline I have never heard of, Avelo, only flies from Kalamazoo to Orlando from November-April when the route is in demand)

Disney World Florida Notifies Millions of Guests of Sudden Closure, Operational Changes Confirmed (The Candy Cauldron shop at Disney Springs is closed for a few weeks for remodeling)

Dolly Parton’s Theme Park Charade Shattered: True Ownership Revealed Amid Dollywood Meltdown (Someone realized Herschend is a thing and the park isn't actually Dolly Parton's giant backyard)

Disney Park Closed, Monorail Service Stopped, on Governor DeSantis' Urgent Command (Florida has been under a state of emergency due to the hurricane. Because of the weather, the waterparks didn't open today and the monorail had some downtime)

Final Emergency Update: Florida Theme Park Giant Now Closed, All Guests Rejected, Refunds Refused (BGT was closed yesterday because of the storm)

Scammers Siphon Billions From Desperate Disney World Guests (Don't give people your personal information)

Knott’s Berry Farm Enforces New Protocol, Tells Visitors to ‘*%#@ off’ (Someone asked if Ghostrider could dispatch more than one train every eight minutes) (:sarcasm alert:)

Guests Struggle To Breathe at Disney World Resort (A guest checked into their Port Orleans room and the A/C needed to be turned on)

Complete Guest Access Halted at Disney World Park (Typhoon Lagoon hits capacity on hot summer days)

Disney World Cancels Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, Brings Back Splash Mountain (A song from Splash Mountain still plays as background music in the park)

New Jurassic Park Theme Park Experience To Replace ALL Universal Attractions (There's a new Jurassic Park video game. Also - this line from the 'article' contradicts the headline pretty well: 'Of course, the game won’t replace the Universal Studios attractions')

Disney World Hotel Forces Guests To Sleep in Swamp t (The headline for the first article on this post has changed to this in the last 5 minutes since I started)

‘Halloween’ Horror Legend Passes Away, Tragedy Upends Franchise Forever (Actor Charles Cyphers has passed away)

Disney World Reportedly Poisoning Cast Members(The corridors at Magic Kingdom are, admittedly, gross)

Disney World To Demolish Animal Kingdom Theme Park, Timeline Confirmed (Dinoland is getting a retheme at some point, although there is no actual timeline on when it will take place)

Disneyland Shuts Down After Land-Rupturing Shockwave Sends Thousands Into Sudden Evacuation Mode (Southern California had an earthquake)

Magic Kingdom Ceases To Exist, Demolition Scheduled (Magic Kingdom is getting two big expansion projects)

Disney World’s Animal Kingdom Theme Park to Close, Demolition Underway (Dinoland is going away)

Disney World To Rip out Tree of Life, Gives Final Timeline (It's Tough to Be a Bug is closing for the new Zootopia film)

Disney Reverses Splash Mountain Decision, Gives Construction Timeline (No they didn't)

Six Flags Employees Shoving Match Ends up Taking Out Guest (Six Flags Employees Shoving Match Ends up Taking Out Guest)