Bikinis, Babes, and Beautiful Bodies-3 days at the Kalahari-An Overpriced Oasis

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Monday, July 12, 2004 5:00 PM

I just got back from a 3 day trip to Lake Delton/Wisconsin Dells, WI. The trip was magnificent all around.

Our first day we spent at the Kalahari Resort/Waterpark (our hotel).

The second day we went to Mt. Olympus Theme Park/Go Kart Place.

The third day we went to Noah's Ark "America's Largest Waterpark."

We saw Tommy Bartlett, and the Wilcox magic show.

So thats a brief summary. Now for the details.

Day 1: Kalahari

After a grueling 6 hour drive through Chicago Traffic and the boring cornfields of Wisconsin, we finally got off of I-90 at Exit 92 and saw our gargantuan overpriced resort we would be staying at for the next 3 days. I have never seen a hotel this big outside of Las Vegas in my life. We are talking at least 3 times bigger then Hotel Breakers.

So we get out of the car, get the luggage and head towards the lobby through some revolving doors, into the lush African themed lobby complete with baby tigers (more on that later).

After about 10 minutes spent checking in and 30 minutes in our room unpacking, I head to the Waterpark, excuse me, "America's Largest Indoor Waterpark." I'm not quite sure about that claim, however, I am sure that it is America's most expensive waterpark.

On the way to the waterpark I ordered a smoothie/slushy and a Popcorn chicken for a measly $9.64 just to give you an idea of the prices.

Finally, after filling myself with 6 dollar popcorn chicken, I made my way into the water park, that charges the public 42 bux to go into.

Cedar Point charges $43 dollars for like 70 rides, this place charges $42 for 15 slides, a wavepool, and a surfing machine.

The surfing machine was my favorite ride. All you get to do is try and stay on the boogie board until you fall, I fell in love with it. By vacation's end I could get on my knees and flip the board.

They also have the "World's First Indoor Master Blaster." It's pretty fun but nothing special.

The hotel however, was the best Hotel I have ever stayed at. I got my picture with a tiger, for $27 of course, and my parents got discounts on shows and stuff.

Day 2: Mt. Olympus/ More Waterpark Fun

We got to MO around 10 (there opening time). The rollercoasters here are subpar and very boring. However, I was impressed with the safety of the Ride Ops. They checked the seatbelts, helped me with my safety bar issues (one wouldn't come down), and told me I couldn't sit in the backseat of Cyclops (my parents did and thought it was boring).


Zeus-6/10 just for being longer then 1 minute.

Cyclops-5/10 for the surprising drop at the end.

Pegasus-4/10 For being the most fun kiddy coaster I have ever been on.

DIA-4/10 for being a crappy Watercoaster. It took 10 minutes to get to the lift.

The Go Karts at this place, are very fun. I loved how Poseidon took you underwater, and Trojan wrapped around the horse.

We left after 3 hours because we got bored.

I won 5/7 of my Go Kart races, and I felt like a kid again. ;)

Day 3: Noah's Ark

This is the best outdoor waterpark I have ever been too, and I only spent 5 hours there.

Only go to this place on a Sunday, because I was talking to one of the workers, and they said Sunday's are one of there slowest days.

The two best rides here are StingRay, and the Point of No Return.

But I didn't like the rides as much as I liked the prices. I payed less then 10 bux for two full bags of candy/chocolates at the candy shop (I would have had to pay over 40 bux at the hotel for the same amount). I got a hamburger for 2 dollars and fries for 1.90. Everything was cheap. I loved it.

I went on Point of No Return 20 times, Stingray 5 times, Both Lazy Rivers, and the rest of the slides. After 5 hours, it looked like rain, it was crowded, and I got bored.


In closing, I would like to say that the most attractive girls ever are at the Kalahari (for any of the teen boys on CoasterBuzz), the best Resort/Dining/Atmosphere is at the Kalahari. I honestly would go to the Kalahari before I would go to a Disney Resort. The whole place (with the exception of there prices), made me feel like I was at my house.

Nothing endangered me this time. But I did get angry after the hotel didn't let me charge my chicken and drink to our room because I didn't have a stupid paper card. I think that is a dumb policy.

All of you should go to the Kalahari once in your life, you will truly feel like you are "A World Away."

Kyle Says: Diamondback was a lot of fun! Made his first time at Kings Island worth it all!

Monday, July 12, 2004 5:22 PM
Jeff's avatar You made me realize that ever at 31, I still consider "the most attractive girls" are where ever I happen to be. Huh. Very wise for 14. And you can spell too. That's a good change of pace.

You might do alright here!

Jeff - Editor - - My Blog - Phrazy

Monday, July 12, 2004 5:57 PM
Mamoosh's avatar Excellent trip report, Kyle! Major improvement over the last few...keep up the good work ;)
Monday, July 12, 2004 8:15 PM
Jeff's avatar I forgot to mention that eventually you stop looking at the teenage girls and start looking at their moms (or their dads, if that's your thing).

Jeff - Editor - - My Blog - Phrazy

Monday, July 12, 2004 8:28 PM
coasterqueenTRN's avatar Hmmm, I thought that most guys fantasize about the daughters as well as their mothers, if that's their thing. ;-)


Monday, July 12, 2004 9:08 PM
Lol Tina,

Yah, some guys do, if both of the two are attractive enough!

Oh and sorry for the long absence from posting...I've been unmotivated to post things on the net, but I'll get back in the swing of things shortly, now that I have DSL in my room!

Haha no I'm not giving Patrick the finger

Monday, July 12, 2004 11:50 PM
Man, I love the daughters only thank you! ;) I won't be looking into the MILF's for awhile.

Kyle Says: Diamondback was a lot of fun! Made his first time at Kings Island worth it all!

Monday, July 12, 2004 11:55 PM
Oh come on Kyle, if the woman is good looking she's good looking. :-P What about some of those actresses out there nowadays? Keira Knightley reaching out to you? She's old enough to be a mother. . . but her kid would be like 6 months old. . . OK I went too far :-D
Tuesday, July 13, 2004 12:05 AM
Lol Kyle, you're still young! Of course you'd be looking at just the daughters...but admittedly, when you start getting up there in years, you start looking at MILF's...hell me and my co-workers now (at a theme park...many of the co-workers are younger than i am) look at big deal!

Haha no I'm not giving Patrick the finger

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 12:12 AM
Great trip report & improvement over the last one... only quesion I have for you is:

Is the resort really over-priced if you rate it as the best resort you have been to? I know the prices are high (according to you), but if you had such a great time, part of the money you are paying for is the atmosphere (which evidently appears to be worth it, even the popcorn chicken).

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:01 AM
Um....7 bux for a hamburger? 4 bux for a hotdog? Just a tad bit overpriced. I am paying $309 a night for the atmosphere, I have no problem with that, but I am not paying $309 so I can pay more money.

Kyle Says: Diamondback was a lot of fun! Made his first time at Kings Island worth it all!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:18 AM
Hey, A MILF is a MILF is a MILF, no matter what! Very much improved TRs Kyle. I for one think you'll be a seasoned member in a few months, but remember: MTR, Pancakes, and CO are all there for the asking, just ask someone(preferably on PM) if you don't get something. I still have to ask, like when I PM'ed mOOSH about GID...Even I can see Zingo! is a lucky man;).
Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:38 AM
Mamoosh's avatar I'm the lucky one, Teck! ;)
Tuesday, July 13, 2004 9:49 AM
Definately props to you on a good TR, Kyle! You definately don't sound as young as you are. I keep thinking I'm young until I hear kids born in the 90's sounding adult (that and friends my age graduating college and getting married! yikes!). It took me a year of hanging around here before I was comfortable posting, so keep up the good work!

And unfortunately for you, women old enough to have children (or ones that really do) will look attractive soon! So be prepared! ;)

- DJ

"When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always twenty years behind the times." - Mark Twain

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 10:00 AM
The bad one is when you're 19/20 and trying to decide if drooling over high school girls is creepy or illegal ;)

Luckily, they've progressed to just being annoying for me (amazing how your perceptions change the first time your girl drags you into the diamond store and starts pointing out what she likes ... )

Brett, Resident Launch Whore Anti-Enthusiast (the undiplomatic one)
Tuesday, July 13, 2004 10:08 AM
Jeff's avatar It's not creepy until you get to be 30. I've decided that's the cut-off.

Jeff - Editor - - My Blog - Phrazy

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 10:22 AM
Nah, even at 22, I've decided that looking at high school girls is getting creepy. Maybe its just me, but being 30 and looking at a 25 year old woman seems different from being 22 and looking at a 17 year old girl.

I agree Impulse-ive, HS girls seem more annoying the older I get. That and having a gal hinting at a ring DOES change perceptions too!

So anyway... poor wood coasters + expensive trip = unhappy enthusiast. ;)

- DJ

"When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always twenty years behind the times." - Mark Twain

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 10:37 AM
My limit is close to yours, Jeff...I say half your I can still (barely) look at girls that are 17 (and a half - as of next month) ;)

As for the TR, Kyle...Very good. I am glad I actually read it...I had argued with myself for a moment or two before "taking the plunge" (had to do a water-based pun...sorry).

As for the "expensive" prices...obviously you haven't done that much traveling. Those are standard hotel prices for food. (And BTW $7 for a burger and $4 for a hot dog is cheap at most hotels.) The $309 rate includes the admission for the waterpark...drop $100 (discounted park admission) you're still only at $200 which is average for an upscale hotel in the Dells in high peak season on the weekend.

Now, I actually liked the coasters at M.O. with the exception of Pegasus... But as they say, to each their own...

*** Edited 7/13/2004 2:41:44 PM UTC by redman822***

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 11:03 AM
There was a perfectly good Galaxi across the street! ;)

*** Edited 7/13/2004 3:05:14 PM UTC by CoastaPlaya***

NOTE: Severe fecal impaction may render the above words highly debatable.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004 11:14 AM
Now I feel as if my trip was a total waste Playa....;)

I do have to apologize to you guys though, I didn't get to go ride Avalanche. It was either Mt. O, or TimberFalls, and I figured I would get more of my money's worth at Mount Olympus, because there seems to only be like 5 rides at Timber Falls.

I heard about Pancakes, M:TR, and I have no idea what CO stands for.

Kyle Says: Diamondback was a lot of fun! Made his first time at Kings Island worth it all!


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