Would you date/marry someone who doesn't like parks/roller coasters?

OhioStater said:

I think the more logical conclusion would be to say that for you, the right arc to have a kid was 20 - 40. It would seem that for most Americans, though, the "right arc" is becoming 30 - 50. 20 - 40 would have been a nightmare for me and the hypothetical child, but 30 - 50 was perfect.

Well, now that actually leads me back to another point I touched on - selfishness.

You use the term "the right arc" - but right for who? I haven't meant it to mean 'right' for me at any point. I want to make that clear. I've meant it to mean 'right' for the kids.

I think the shift to later parenthood and marriage is for our personal benefit as adults - with little concern for anything else.

That selfishness word again.

I remain convinced that the 20-40 arc is best for children. It's possibly not necessarily best for the parent. I can easily concede that point.

I don't feel that the 25-43 arc I'm on with my oldest was necessarily best for me. I know without question that it was better for her.

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Are there any actual long term studies following children to parents of similar backgrounds with age being the main variable? Or is the older parent thing too new of a trend to have do anything major and long term? (and I mean those as honest questions - not rhetorical or as a setup)

I still suspect (and I know none of us are going to convince anyone otherwise) that all other things being equal, younger parents produce "better" (that seems like a loaded term and what does it mean, really?) humans overall.

Jeff said:
You're wrong. That's a choice some people make. While you certainly might have to plan a little, we decided before my kid was even born to not allow him to prevent us to do anything. That's why other parents don't go anywhere for ten years, and my kid had been on 30 airplanes before he was 2. People make choices.

No, I'm not wrong. I'm living within my means. I simply can't do what you and your family can because we're in different places at different times. You likely make significantly more than I do. That's the result of choices we've both made, but that's not the point.

I'm not talking about not allowing having a kid to allow or not allow things that you are. First, On my salary, I can afford to do things that I want to do that I simply would not be able to do if I had a wife and kid. That's not a complaint, that's the truth. And that's really insignificant in the whole reason as to why I'm not in a relationship. It's even less of a reason as to why I don't want children. I don't like children very much. I don't have much tolerance for them. And I don't want to hear from anyone 'That' changes for your own' bs. I don't like being around most small children (babies/infants specifically) for an extended period of time. Period. I'm more tolerable of kids, and I'm usually find with teens. But that doesn't mean I want either.

But besides that, the reality is that at this point I only have myself to think about. I enjoy the freedom I have to make on the fly changes and decisions that I can make without having a family to think about as well. That's simply something I couldn't do in the same way that I do now.

You want a wife and a kid. That's fine. I don't. That's also fine. You had a kid later in life, that's all swell and good. Nobody said that that was a bad thing. Gonch simply said that there is, in his opinion, a better alternative. I agree with some of his points. That's not to say that people who have children older are bad parents, just different parents.

Tekwardo said:
That's the result of choices we've both made, but that's not the point.

It seems to me that's exactly the point of the entire discussion... that the decisions we make affect our abilities and outcome, so making generalizations is hard because there are too many variables.

^

I'll see what I can dig up study-wise; I would assume there is something out there. But my own guess would be that aside from the age extremes, it wouldn't emerge as an important variable. In fact, my gut would tell me that the better time it is for the parent to have children, the better it is for the kids.

Just pondering what's important for a child's outcome, and all other things controlled for, I'm not sure what difference being 25, 35, or 45 would make.

OhioStater said:

Just pondering what's important for a child's outcome, and all other things controlled for, I'm not sure what difference being 25, 35, or 45 would make.

See, I think the difference in a person at 25 and at 45 would change the way they approach parenting.

As a simple example: I wouldn't be too keen nowadays to deal with a huge mess.

Say the child wanted to finger paint. I don't want my home getting paint all over it, I set up a rather rigid area with paper laid down. I'm kind of busy with stuff so I don't really have the moment to do much more than keep an eye on the child as he paints and offer a "that's looks great."

15 years ago, I wouldn't have cared about the mess in an apartment, would have probably sat down and painted alongside the child and maybe even gotten silly with playfully trying to put the paint on each other or even getting into a little paint battle.

It's the differences in me that would change the way I do things with the child.

The child in the first scenario learns a more rigid aproach to play and creativity while the child in the second scenario see spotaneity and a more free way of doing it. It would change the way the child sees me and how I do things and forms ideas about what they should do.

Those are the details of parenting that shape a little growing mind.

The way a 45 year old approaches and handles life is most likely very different than how a 25 year old does. That matters. I have a hard time understanding how someone wouldn't see that.

I can understand arguing which is better or whatever...but there is a difference. All things being equal, my 40 year old self will handle situations differently than my 25 year old self probably did.

What I've been trying to convey is that I think, in general, the mid-20's self more aligns with what works 'better' for younger children while their 40's self aligns perfectly with older children.

Let me start by saying its nice to be back. Been some time, but decided a new account (formerly phoenixphan) was in order, as its been a long time.

Would I date someone not into coasters? I have tried, but the majority of my summer is travelling to parks, fairs, and carnivals. I can say this much though, I have CoasterBuzz to thank for my pending marriage. I met a terrific fellow enthusiast here about ten years ago, Primogen18. We forged a strong friendship over our shared love of roller coasters, and after nearly a decade we have moved from fellow enthusiasts to engaged.

We share this hobby, no, obsession, and have had a great opportunity over the years to meet some awesome people and make great friends due to the site. It just happens to help to have an open and accepting group in the enthusiast community, something that is refreshing and surprising. Being gay has never been an issue, rather Cedar Fair vs Six Flags has been a greater challenge! Without this fun hobby, amazing community, and great site I would possibly never have met the love of my life. Thank you Jeff and keep up the great work, better than Match.com!

Gonch, I think I have a much better understanding of what you are saying. And it only took two pages. :)

You bring up a really interesting perspective on parenting, and one I haven't really heard discussed too much. So if I'm right, you're describing a young parent as one with perhaps more of a "free spirit"...less rigid in thinking, with a more playful mindset, whereas the older parent is simply...well...not...merely because of where they are in life. I think you gave a great example of what you are saying, by the way.

That said, I would be in the "different, but not better" camp. I would wonder, too, if one could even generalize this type of idea. Meaning, I'm not sold on the idea that rigidity and being more busy (like in the painting example) necessarily comes with age...especially when we're talking about the time one spends with kids. I think you would find me an antithesis to your example (which, admittedly, drives my obvious bias here).

Vaguely, yes. That's what I'm getting at. But that was just a single example. I think there are many facets that fall in a similar way.

And yes, it's generalizing, but like I said, I'm just throwing my personal views out there. Not claiming science or fact.