10/20-21/25 Epic Universe

Touchdown’s Epic Universe Review

Preamble: After watching this park get built for years, I was extremely hyped to go to the first major theme park built in the US in the 21st century. I always buy my “major amusement park” AP for the year in late October and between DLR turning 70 this summer and wanting to go to Epic multiple times I decided to delay my Universal Year to 2025-2026. So let’s get going.

General: After hearing that resort bus services leave a lot to be desired (and judging from Volcano Bay buses this is not surprising) I chose to drive and with my AP got prime parking which is under solar panels. The park is beautiful, while it’s a bit warm currently once the trees grow in it will be just perfect. The facial recognition technology is working quite well and having the lockers contained in the queue are fantastic. Mobile Order worked well too.

I can see why Universal is currently capping attendance, the only rides that don’t ever get a full queue are Stardust Racers and Monsters Unchained (and only because of their amazing ride capacity) Ministry could join this high capacity list if it was able to run at 100% but it’s clear from how long inbetween elevators this thing is working at half its capacity if not worse. This park desperately needs another 1-3 high capacity dark rides to up its capacity. That said, this is easily in the top 4 parks in Orlando (along with Epcot, Islands, MK) not sure where I put this yet but this is a “top tier park.” The food choices are so varied and different, you are at a loss of what to eat. Ok let’s get to the specific lands.

Celestial Park: I love this evolution in theme park design, this is not only your entry land but the hub and palate cleanser to the other themed lands. It is and feels huge, and puts the park in theme park. This place is also wired up everywhere with lights and synced to the soundtrack. It’s stunning especially at night. Instead of copying the Victorian asthetic, this park asked what if the Victorian design goal of lighting up the night in a public park was paired with all the modern technology we now have. Truely great, and the little goodbye fountain show at the end of the night was also fantastic.

Stardust Racers (5 stars): This ride is an unexpected airtime machine. It’s a blast, although to time the racing element the launches can get a little wonky, the ride seems to first partially launch you, pause, calaculate the momentum of your car and then launch you again to ensure racing. It is so fun, especially at night, and I never waited more than 20 minutes for it thanks to its 6 train operation. I don’t prefer one side over the other. Still prefer Veliciocoaster more but only by a little.

Constellation Carousel: (3 stars) This is a unique carousel whose mechanisms are all below and out of site, in addition to up and down the animals also can twist from side to side and some of them are on teacup rotation platforms. The ride looks cooler in action from the midway then it does to actually ride though. Not something that is a must do.

Super Nintendo World: As a child of 1983 I’m sure it will come as a shock to no one that Nintendo was a big part of my childhood, so much so that for a while the Mariokart ride was my most anticipated theme park attraction, I flew out to Hollywood last year just to ride it early. The land itself is spot on perfect for the property, the power up band key battles leading to the Bowser Jr boss battle is stupid fun. Hunting for stamps also is a blast. The DK section while being way too small is also spot on. I love the atheistic of this world and cannot wait to see what they do with other Nintendo Properties going forward, that said the rides could have been a little better.

Mariokart: Bowsers Challenge (4.5 stars): When the Universal partnership was announced and they promised to build a Mariokart ride I would bet no one would have imagined its base ride as a slow moving dark ride (just like Fast and Furious.). The execution is better then F&F SS, the sets are amazing and the AR works so I like it, just dont really love it. I continue to have an unfulfilled dream of being able fire a red shell at a kart being driven by another human. Also I’ve now ridden this ride 5+ times on each coast and have never been able to sinq my power band to the ride.

Yoshi’s Adventure (2 stars): This ride is supposed to be a relaxing ride along the mushroom kingdom and a little Yoshi egg hunt. What it really is is a human oven (out in the open for quite some time traveling at the speed of a geriatric snail) and patience tester. This ride either needs to be sped up to Peoplemover speed or make the egg hunt far more difficult. As it exists currently would not recommend.

Donkey Kong Mine Kart Madness (4 stars): In what will not be the last time I say this, this ride is too short. I do not find it rough (it’s a mine kart on a rickety track it should have some shimmy) and I love what’s there but it’s too short and I can’t believe they didn’t do the gag of needing to jump on an enemy to cross a pit. They did every other gag I expected in this ride, but not that one. Still really fun, especially at night. The ride capacity on this ride is not good, it typically is the second longest wait in the park, I’m kind of shocked they didn’t build duel tracks for this one. Would have added some more kinetic energy.

Island of Berk: Of all the lands this is the IP I had the least connection to, I in-fact had never seen any of the movies until this year as they started to come out after I was an adult. I was missing out, what a fantastic trilogy of films with actual conflict, consequences, character growth and morals. Can not recommend more. Also the soundtrack is fantastic, in particular “Test Drive” which is now one of my favorite “adventure tracks.” This land is chock full of walk around characters, dragons and fun distractions. It is however the one land that suffers from too young tree syndrome more then Celestial park, it is lacking in shade and every queue is outside. This land is best avoided midday if typical Florida Weather is in place. Ok onto the attractions:

Hiccup’s Winged Gliders (4.5 stars): This is a jr duel launch coaster that will take you soaring over all of Berk. It’s either the 2nd or 3rd best coaster (depending on if you count Stardust as one or two coasters) in the park. It has some solid Gs, is zippy, contains a Toothless and Hiccup animatronic, and blares “Test Drive” throughout. A solid coaster.

The Untrainable Dragon (4 stars): You aren’t here for the plot, nor are you here for the singing; no you are here for the amazing dragon animatronics, in particular the full size Toothless one that flies with Hiccup over the entire audience and then lands on stage (oh and 20 min of sitting in the air conditioning.) A great midday activity.

Dragon Racer’s Rally (3 stars): I loved this ride at the MoA, but here this dueling ride has way too short of a ride cycle to the point you can’t even build up momentum to do a barrel roll. Only do if it is a short wait.

Fyre Drill (3 stars): This is one of those Water Battle Rides, it has a major improvement over other versions though instead of the two wheels you need to spin (which always cause me to scrape my index fingers) it has a water pump handle. Somewhat surprisingly, there is no part of this ride where you face off against another boat (that invariably leads to each boat soaking the other) so there is a potential you don’t get completely soaked on this ride.

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter: Ministry of Magic: This is tied with SNW for the most impressive themed area, you are instantly transported to Belle Epoque Paris. The land has so many knooks and cranny’s to explore, places to eat (the butterbeer crepes are amazing) and things to do it’s fantastic.

Harry Potter and the Battle of the Ministry (5 stars): Let me just start by saying this dark ride is incredible, easily one of the top 5 dark rides in the world, and by far has the best queue. However, I was mildly disappointed with it and it is only my 3rd favorite ride at Epic and I expected it to dethrone Rise. I’m going to attempt to explain why by getting extremely nerdy and discussing spoilers in the next paragraph so skip if either of those things don’t interest you.

Ok, how in the world do I, a wizard from 1910s Paris, arrive in turn of the 21st century London and why does no one seem to care. Look I get that people wanted a Ministry of Magic ride and you cant have a shopping/dining district like Hogesmeade and Diagon outside based on the source material so I am 100% on board with going with old Paris but why do you not explain it? Time Travel is illegal and extremely rare in the HP universe. From what I can infer from the ride and queue is the Delores Umbridge is trying to go back in time to Deathly Hallows so she can be back in a world of “law and order” and she was recently apprehended in the Dept of Mysteries attempting to steal a time turner. Seems to me a simple explanation to make was that her shenanigans that got her arrested caused a rift in time that is randomly bringing in Belle Epoque Parisians. I however recognize that plot is probably a bit to complex for the average tourist so while I would prefer this story being explicit and essential to the ride, I’m ok with the hand waving explanation of the Ministry being overwhelmed because of the trial. What I would ask is for is some stray Daily Prophets or the Portraits discussing this weird phenomenon in the queue so that we get one in universe explanation for us nerds, thank you. Problem #2, the detour to the Department of Magical Creatures and the cheapening of the Department of Mysteries. Book readers know that the Wizgamot Court Room and the Dept of Mysteries are located next to each other and the only things on that floor of the Ministry. The Dept of Mysteries has one door in and out that leads to a circular room of doors that spins, each door leads to a Mystery, book noted rooms being Prophecies, Time, Death and Intelligence. One room is locked at all times due to the power within (presumed to be love.) The different rooms do connect to one another but again the only way in and out is via the circular room. It is not in any way connected to the Dept of Magical Creatures and it makes no sense that it is in the ride, especially when such a cool concept (spinning room) could have been used instead. Not to mention the entry gallery is the only way in and out of the ministry, no way would they try to bring an emrumpent in to such a space. The Fantastic Beasts stuff should have stayed off this ride. Finally beef #3 the house elf both the ex machina ending (which comes out of no where) and how she is Umbridge’s house elf. How can she disobey her so easily? Dobby had to torture himself and he was an exceptionally free spirited elf, this one just shouldn’t be able to do what she does. That said, still a phenomenal ride.

Cirque Arcanue (3 stars): This is a show about Fantastic Beasts. It’s cool, but the Beasts are less movie accurate then the Berk show so I would rank this slightly lower then that show

Dark Universe: Time to end on a nearly all positive note, this portal is amazing and I cannot believe this got made. This is such a loving tribute to the original cinema universe. The town of Darkmore is creepy, and full of walk around characters. Castle Frankenstein looms above it with its unearthly blue lightning crackling in the upper floors. The Burning Blade Tavern looms over a God Forsaken corner at the back. The Roma camp and Werewolf area is the one exception that feels lightly themed and nothing but an off the shelf coaster (which it is) but the rest of this land more then makes up for it.

Curse of the Werewolf (3 stars): This is the most disappointing coaster in Epic and the only one I will likely not seek out again. This is a Mach multi launch jr spinner that is quite tame and contains no werewolf animatronics. It seems to always have a 45-60 min wait. Credit Coaster.

Monsters Unchained: The Frankenstein Experiment (5 stars): Ok let’s end on an extremely positive note, this ride is absolutely amazing. Despite my extremely high expectations, this ride exceeds it and is my new #1 dark ride. The queue is amazing (side note, parents, you are entering Castle Frankenstein some scary stuff will occur for the love of God don’t take young children into this queue or on this ride if they can’t handle a hoard of monsters) the preshows fantastic, and the ride is nearly perfect. Victoria Frankenstein (great granddaughter to Victor) has made it her life goal to control every monster who prowls the land with her trusty and deranged assistant Igor she has rounded up nearly every single classic monster (not just Drac, Mummy, Wolfman but all of them except the Bride and Invisible Man) and she has controlled all but one. Tonight she plans to break Count Dracula and complete her work and you are invited to the show. Things will expectedly go horribly wrong and every monster will turn on her and you. These monsters for the most part are real 20ft tall animatronics and are absolutely spectacular. This ride also is run on Kuka arms. Just an absolutely stunning ride, and with its high capacity, never more then a 30 min wait which means you can do lots of rerides.

Final Thoughts: One last thing I must praise Universal on, I’m a bigger guy, both in height and weight. I’ve done my fair walk of shames and it’s been years since I’ve fit on Forbidden Journey. I didn’t get kicked off once at this park. Thank you for finding ways to fit more people. It’s a stunning accomplishment and I can’t wait to see what they do next.

Bonus, quick HHN 34 review. Solid year, best scare zones the event has had in years and the addition of skating zombies at Mel’s and the return of Springfield chainsaws is fantastic. The Cat Lady zone may be my favorite of all time. House wise, there was only one IP that really excited me (Fallout) and that house did not live up to expectations so I did not really appreciate the IP houses as much as I normally did. I will however admit that the Terrifier, Wyatt Sicks, Five Nights and Jason houses were well executed houses that were faithful to the franchises. So this leads to this being a weird year where there was only amazing house for me this year (El Artista) but every other house was in the solid 4 star category so the floor was extremely high this year but didn’t reach as many highs for me. Looking forward to an anniversary year next year.