The Onion: New Six Flags Ride Based On Relationship With Deborah

birdhombre's avatar,17223/

A few choice quotes:

Developed by world-renowned and recently single engineer Phillip Werner, the Life Force Crusher-X is said to feature six disorienting vertical loops, 150-feet of highly unstable barrel rolls, a portion in the middle where the ride just suddenly stops for no reason and refuses to start again until riders apologize, and an unexpected 310-foot drop at the very end.

Despite only opening last week, Life Force Crusher-X is already one of Magic Mountain's main attractions. The park has even been forced to extend its hours to accommodate ticket holders who said they would never come back, only to find themselves pounding on the gates at 2 a.m., desperate for just one more go-round.


Edit: For the uninitiated, yes The Onion is a satirical newspaper, and no this isn't a real article.

Last edited by birdhombre,

That's really funny. I always wanted to write for The Onion.

My author website:

Vater's avatar

Comedic gold. I <3 The Onion.

Not bad. But I thought this one from the Onion was much better. It's a few years old, from '06, so if it's been posted here before, my bad:,1983/

The amusement park rises bold and are huddled on the beach in a mist

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