Miami columnist challenges the logic of visiting Orlando.

Posted Monday, March 31, 2003 3:38 AM | Contributed by GregLeg

Every year, we return to Orlando. Instinct makes us do this. We are like the salmon who must swim upstream to spawn, and die. They are lucky. We must go to theme parks...

Read more from The Miami Herald.

Monday, March 31, 2003 5:26 AM
Heh. I was first turned on to Dave Barry when I moved to Miami in the early 90's. I found him quite humorous. Over the years my tastes changed and his humor seemed more and more pedestrian, safe and "middle of the road". It's been a while since I've read a Dave Barry column, but as a Dad who has totally done the Orlando thing that gave me more than a few chuckles.

I think we've all gotten stuck behind a group suffering from TPS.


Monday, March 31, 2003 6:27 AM
Ahh, a great read, especially for me as an employee at a park. TPS comes in many forms, I'm afraid. In children, it's constantly asking: "Can we go one more time??", after they clearly waited 30 minutes to ride, and the que is still full.

In adults, it's thinking the that employees are out to screw you over. Really now, I don't get my jollies out of telling your kids they can't ride. The rules are there for a reason jackass! Parents think I'm trying to get them not to ride so I don't have to work. Sure, that makes a whole bunch of sense, considering there are 6000 other people who are going to ride this ride today. Kicking you out really doesn't make my day go any better.

Jes's Roller Coasters DJ Jes
Six Flags Worlds Of Adventure Ride-Ops Crew 2002-2003(Have Fun Trying To Find Me!)*** This post was edited by Zero-G 3/31/2003 11:30:06 AM ***

Monday, March 31, 2003 7:21 AM
Part of the Disney training actually emphasizes the need to be patient with the TPS crowd. It is said that there is a giant box just as you enter park property that simply states, "Please deposit brain here."

As such, you get some very challenging questions:

"What time does the 3:00 parade start?"

"Will the monorail take me to Sea World?"

"Can I rent a room in the castle?"

"Is the water in the river real?"

Oh, the list goes on and on and I am not exaggerating.

Monday, March 31, 2003 10:05 AM
"Is the water in the river real?"

That question is almost surreal! It must be hard biting your lip in situations like these.

Please tell us more about it! This is too funny.

i was a teenage rollercoaster designer

Monday, March 31, 2003 11:37 AM
Refering to the horsedrawn carriages on Main Street..."Are those real horses?" Yep, and that is real horse poop you just stepped in.

"I thought I could meet Walt here."

"I am staying at a WDW resort. You mean I don't get in the parks for free?"

Asked of cast members all the time, "Do you live here?"

Asked of Splash Mountain ride ops, "Does this ride go upside down?"

And, the mother of all funny lines: I once had a guest say this to me: "Those elephants look pretty good but they are nothing compared to that Shamu at Sea World. Now that thing looks real!"

Monday, March 31, 2003 12:49 PM
That's a great article. Dave Berry is awesome. The questions will give me something to ask next time I go to WDW.
Monday, March 31, 2003 4:54 PM
The most annoying questions I got as a character were:

"Is it hot in there?" --- No, I'm wearing a fur suit and it's 100 degrees with 99.9 percent humidity. Not hot at all.

"Are those things air conditioned?" -- Yes, can't you hear the fan and feel the ice cold air coming out of Tigger's mouth?

and I thought it was funny when people would say "It must be great to work here" ---yeah right!


Monday, March 31, 2003 6:36 PM
That's a funny article indeed....but I'm STILL waiting to meet the corpse of Fred MacMurray at breakfast. Oh well, maybe I'll see him propped up in the Haunted Mansion as an automated character.


Wednesday, April 2, 2003 4:13 AM
I heard a funny comment while working at the Disney Store in Australia. We had an Amercian girl working for us and she was very bubbly and loud.

Anyway I was standing at the front of the store as a greeter and overheard a lady say to her friend...

"Wow, they have them putting on Amercian accents so it can be more like the stores in the states..."

We joked about that for the rest of the year

Wednesday, April 2, 2003 1:56 PM
Working at a zoo is just as bad. People want to pet the animals. (Tigers, polar bears!). They also want to feed them! Other things people asked is do the keepers go in the exhibit with the gorilla's, polar bears, etc... Patience is a virtue, and it is fun to see people do stupid things! Like put their children in the desert exhibit in the aviary. ------------------
"I'm gonna wear a pink tux to the prom"

-Relient K (In love with the 80's)

Thursday, April 3, 2003 12:05 AM
Back int he day when I worked rides, I had the hapless job the security guard had when rides closed:

Is it open? No. Is it open? No. Is it open? No. Is it open? No.

Is that a Q-bot in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Thursday, April 3, 2003 7:42 AM it open YET!

LMAO, Dave Barry really CAN write, I'm just a hack.....oh well, at least I'm a hack that lives closer to Orlando than HE does....:)

Dr. Thrill IS my family practitioner
Hey look, gator finally posted a TR...


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