Knoebels - August 20 and 21, 2013 - Ten Words

Greetings Fellow Buzzers,

I did not get the chance to get to too many parks this summer due to a lack of time or outside interests, so here is my report on my recent two-day venture to Knoebels.

Oh...and since I wrote a book about my July 4th trip to Great Adventure and got a lackluster response (not that I deserve much better) I decided not to ramble on and on like I usually do and just sum each item up in exactly Ten words - combining the two days. Here goes:

HAMTON INN - SELLINSGROVE

Typical Hampton Inn...decent room...quiet and no bed bugs.

TRIP FROM LONG ISLAND

Glad we got up early to beat city rush hour.

HIGHWAY SCENERY

Lots of space between attractions in the state of Pennsylvania.

I-80 WELCOME CENTER

Great spot to pee and get brochures from other parks.

DRIVER DOWN

Trailer on side takes out two lanes - hope he's ok.

BILLBOARD

Yeah! It's Kozmo! We can't be too far away now!

SUNBURRY

Nice riverside down. Looks like crappy economy is effecting it.

PARKING

Mother Fluxer ignores guide and finds spot in row two.

WRIST BAND

An hour away from evening deal - anyway sprang for it.

ATMOSPHERE

Honestly...it's just so nice to be back. Very excited.

ROTO JETS

Slanted rocket hurts left side. Reminds me of Disney ride.

FLYERS

Idiot still doesn't know how to snap car. Never will.

FLUME

Very nice! Very well done. Someone sprayed me and Preflux.

FLUME EXIT

People who contribute to gum wads don't deserve this place.

BATHROOMS

Still no seats. Squatting at safe height is very hard.

WHY?

Too high...you get wet...to low and you miss.

PIONEER TRAIN RIDE

Very underrated ride. We saw some deer. That was cool.

FERRIS WHEEL

Gentle perfection - Saw a lot of the park from there.

PHOENIX

First part great...after that...too dam shaky for us.

BLACK DIAMOND

Not included with wristband...I just don't get this ride.

HOT DOG (INTERNATIONAL FOOD COURT)

Whatever was in it was very good better than Kennywood's.

CORN ON THE COB

It's hard to $%+k up corn...with butter was great.

FISH & CHIPS

A little too greasy...I didn't eat all the chips.

GRILLED CHEESE

Preflux liked it. It's another thing hard to mess up.

CHICKEN TENDERS (STRIPS...WHATEVER YOU CALL IT)

Mother Fluxer was not complaining. She said it was average.

VALUE

Would be over 50 bucks at Great Adventure. Paid 20.

POOL

Must be regulated by Eskimos. The water was f*%king freezing!

SLIDES

Tube slide was fun, very fast and out of control.

FISH

We saw some decent sized fish were seen in creek.

BUMPER CARS

Stopped ride. Car wouldn't work. Changed car - got extra time!

BUMPER CAR OPERATOR

Hustled! But the dude was built like a bumper car.

HOOP GIRL

Saw performer juggle a ton of hula hoops. Mad skills!

KOZMOTRON

Fun! Loud! Getting Older! (Going backwards now hard for me.)

TEA CUPS

Mini version of coal shaker. Similar to Demolition Derby ride.

NEW DROP TOWER RIDE

Hard to predict release. Pole top hidden going up.

WHIP

More powerful than Dorney. Much less force than Rye Playland.

TWISTER

Love the lift system. After that just too dam shaky.

ANOTHER ENTHUSIAST

Spoke to guy with Gatekeeper shirt. Compared notes and parted.

PRETZELS

Very tasty! Scrape off the salt you do not want.

WAFFLE

Preflux only wanted a plain waffle. Knobels gladly accommodated him.

NO ADDED SUGAR ICE CREAM

Mother Fluxer liked it. No sprinkles at ice cream stand.

MILL WHEEL & EATING AREA

Brilliant engineering! Could stare in awe at this for hours.

BALLOON RACE

Sat backwards and got dizzy at the start. Getting old.

CAROUSEL

Caught 7 rings...none of them brass. A stellar machine.

DOWN DRAFT

Starts off fast...goes faster...makes lots of fart noises.

1001 NACHTS

Always loved this ride. I still do. Rubbed Kozmo's lamp.

RIDE OP - 1001 NACHTS

Reluctantly denied a kid a ride due to height. Great call!

MERRY MIXER

Scrambler type ride on steroids. Only scrambler I get dizzy.

GALLEON

DENIED! Bar wouldn't close. Had to take walk of shame.

ITALIAN TRAPEZE (SWINGS)

Perfect amusement park staple. OOPs! Preflux noticed topless art pannels.

PARATROOPER

Much more forceful than Kennywood. Got a little dizzy riding.

SKLOOSH

Nobody leaves dry. Emplyee makes bridge people hold safety rail.

WOOD SHOP

Amazing craftsmanship. Fresh cut wood and saw dust smells great.

SECURITY

Saw some folks walking around...mostly answering questions from customers.

SETTING

The setting of the park makes the park. It's "charming."

OVERALL

Only park I can both power ride and also relax.

ENDING

Thanks for reading this. I hope new format is ok.

I like this format, and I really loved your commentary on the pool!

Richie Reflux said:

ROTO JETS

Slanted rocket hurts left side. Reminds me of Disney ride.

That's funny, the last time I rode the Disney ride was when I was 6, and I still have memories of my side hurting. Didn't ride Knoebels' version.

FLYERS

Idiot still doesn't know how to snap car. Never will.

I'd never had luck on any Flyers until my first trip to Knoebels in 04. I was a snapping fool. Tuesday? Not so much. I'm wondering if sharing a vehicle with my son makes it harder to snap.

BUMPER CAR OPERATOR

Hustled! But the dude was built like a bumper car.

Yeah, that dude was huge. Was amazed at how efficient he was, though.

Cool that we were there the same day. What time did you arrive on Tuesday? We bailed right around 8pm.

Your TR would've benefited from a rhyming scheme, and you pentameter was lacking. ;-)

Seriously, this was a terrific and fun report. Your format, though perhaps chosen in jest, made the whole thing very readable. And your observations were interesting and entertaining.

Man, I gotta get back to Knoebels. It's been too long.

Knoebels is the only park i know of where you can bring your pet and fishing pole and sit down relax and fish!

^^But can you bring your pet fish?

^^ Only if you have a license for it. (or at least a dog license with the word "dog" crossed out and the word "Fish" written in.)

Flying is easy. The trick is don't fight the direction the plane wants to take, but help it out. If you feel it starting up, point the fin up. Once it starts back down, point it down. You'll be flying high and snapping in no time, especially if you happen to catch whatever breeze is present.

I personally dont like snapping. It makes me panic, particularly at Knoebel's. Instead, I like to see just how high I can get without snapping the cable. If a snap on the next swing seems imminent, I back off a little til the turbulence calms down. Then I resume.

I loved your trip report. You and your family sure got some strange names, dontcha?

Ive always loved 1001 Nachts, too. Just not in the biblical sense.

Mike Gallagher said:

^^But can you bring your pet fish?

Kinda...

Don't like the show, but I like Klaus!

I like Krause, too...

Alow me to respond to some of these posted comments....

(RavenPhile, Ensign Smith, RCMAC) - - ->

Thanks for the kind comments. I appreciate your enthusiastic support.

(Vater) - - - >

Monday roughly 3 to 8 - Tuesday roughly 11 to 7.

(Vater Part 2) - - - >

I liked your report too. We both had a blast.

(Gamer Guy, Mike Gallagher, Rollergator) - - - >

Less parks for me this year were due to fishing.

(Gamer Guy, Mike Gallagher, Rollergator - Part 2) - - - >

But I am a salt water guy...no likey fresh.

MORE STUFF THAT I FORGOT...

BUMPER BOATS

Small field, engines very unresponsive, splashes lack direction and force.

EVENING GNATS

What the....Holy smokes...these little blood suckers are everywhere!

PERKINS OF SELLINGROVE

Waitress addressed regular elderly customer as "A##H##E." Real name "Ethel."

GUIGI'S PIZZA AND ITALIAN RESTAURANT (SUNBURRY)

Can no longer count on any positive reviews on Yelp.

NEGATIVE RECENT PARK COMMENTS OF LATE - PART 1

I love Knoebels...I understand comments from those who don't.

NEGATIVE RECENT PARK COMMENTS OF LATE - PART 2

Even if I feel you are incorrect - agree to disagree.

These 10 word sentences are driving me crazy - Good night!