KCS-MOA Timberland Twister opening night LAST RIDE!

(Note: See if you can spot where I'm actually serious. Have fun! Or try to learn how, for some a you...)

YEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAWW!

Guess who's a piece of roller coaster history now? The answer to a monumental, earthshaking, unforgettable piece of roller coaster trivia? Me, that's who.

I decided to skip the usual post-job and pre-open mic night workout/hot tub soak to score a few more laps on TT. Okay, more than the one I wedged in my busy social schedule yesterday. Anyway, I slipped on the Ray-Bans, my lucky shorts and my beach socks even tho it's..well, an evening in March. I gots to get in my frame of mind.

But horror of horrors! When I got there, the crew was seriously stacking trains. Can you imagine that? Sure, the station's only wide enough for two trains at a time, but that's no excuse. This is a Cedar Fair park, dangit. Move move move move!

And perhaps they were friendly in a folksy, low-key kinda way too--but who's up for that? I expect the full coaster package, nothing less. I want staff that whoops, "HOW WAS YOUR RIDE?!?" three inches from my face. That shoves me on and off the trains if they must to hit interval.

I thought the line was much slower than yesterday. They had every train on, one extra person in the station and things weren't moving any faster? What's the deal, folks? Ohhhhhh, I see. It's the 'VIP' types walking up the exit ramps to get no-wait rides. Oooh looky us--eating our little catered meal under the Kite Eating Tree and getting treated all nicelike just cuz we mighta like built the coaster or something. If only we had some Californian types from the GRP filming. Grrr.

But things were bad enough in the queues with all those blasted, line-jumping Scandanavians. You know how they get when they're represent-IN with their hockey jerseys, hanging out of the windows of their pickups blastin' polka music and stuff. You know from twenty paces no one gave them any home training. They were climbing over everything--stomping in the fresh-planted flowerbeds, climbing on the big ornamental stones, doing anything to jump the line. I swear they should have an employee checking height/patrolling the jump area during peak times. A little mace or a taser would spice things up if you ask me.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah--the ride! It roxor if you have, like, people in the car that lean to opposing sides. If you know what to do in a Tilt-a-Whirl, you might have a bit of a headstart here. That and a heaping load of dumb luck.

I never count laps when I power-ride cuz I'm not one of those people. No way. Not me. Nope. So what if I bought a season pass the day the coaster opened? I am NAWT an UltraDork!

But after an unknown number of rides, one of the staff started to recognize me as I sauntered up the queues at 9:29:46. He said, "Aren't you...aren't you...?"

I put my finger to my lips and nodded.

He then knew what he had to do.

The minute I got into the station area...THWAP! went the gate. No more riders tonight. Last one's for me.

"Dood, can we get one more ride? Please? Please?" begged some little hangers-on as they got off their trains. The op looked confused, but after my quck thumbs-down, they were sent sobbing down the entrance ramp in shame.

"Do you want to ride with these people, or do you want a train all to yourself?" asked the gal at the head of the queue. "Let's see how much extra spin you can get when you do it solo."

I looked at the three flirtatious young girls already in the train. Lessee...underage, underage, very early-blooming underage...nah. Tonight, the glory's all for me.

As I crested the lift hill, I started pointing at people leaving the park. "Go home!" I bellowed at the top of my lungs. "Go home losers! No coaster for you! WHOOOOOHOOOOO!"

I spun and climbed and dove and swooped all over the course, screaming like the biggest tool on the planet. "Who yo Daddy? Who yo Uncle? Who yo Momma's really good friend she don't talk about?" I was pointing and yelling and laughing at people like there was no tomorrow....

And there almost wasn't. Who told all those people where the coaster exit was? Did they really reprint new park maps that quickly? Haters.

I hope they find my left shoe tomorrow. My shirt would be handy too.

-CO

*** Edited 3/16/2004 6:03:45 AM UTC by CoastaPlaya***

The surveillance video indicates every part of your story is true, with the exception of.............

Survey says, never trust an alter ego. Nice "Fraux" TR, Captain! ;)

+Danny

The part I think is true is when he decided to ride alone rather then with the underagers.

The part at the beginning about skipping his normal life to ride a coaster, yeah, that sounds about right. :)

I thought the word "normal" was a dead giveaway, the whole story is fake....well, except for the Kite-Eating Tree.....stupid thing has MY kite too! ;)

The part about Scandinavians *representin'*.....pure 'Playa gold...:)

Now if you'll just excuse me while I go re-load Fargo into the DVD player...

What?

YEAH!!!11!!

The 14th paragraph of this TR is almost true. As for the rest...any guesses?

Only you 'Playa, Only you. (shaking his head).

When you are you coming down to the 'City to ride Dragons?

I'm goin' crazy up here at the lake!

---

Swoosh said:
When you are you coming down to the 'City to ride Dragons?

---

When he is he? So do you want CoastaPlaya, Captain Obvious, or his real self to come down? ;)

+Danny

I think your name should be Wavepool Charlie, but who am I?

---

+Danny said:
When he is he? So do you want CoastaPlaya, Captain Obvious, or his real self to come down? ;)

+Danny

---

Well I can say which one I WANT to come, but I know I will end up with Cap'n Obvious. ;)

'course I couldn't guarantee that Swoosh Shaddy wouldn't show up either. :)

Raybans, I believe...shorts and beach socks? Nah. Not yet.

Stacking trains and VIP's? That I can almost believe if there were something going on. But I cannot believe Scandanavians gone wild.

And I can't imagine you wanting to ride in a car with teeny boppers. Getting a car all to yourself? That I can see. And if it just happened to be the LAST one of the night? Yep.

Jeff - Fargo.

I'm offended by the hockey jersey comment! They are called sweaters. Valleyfairguy, thinking I won't wear my "jerseys" while coaster counting any more. How I love the feel of my Wild sweater against a tight lapbar!

Truth:

- Skipping workout to ride coaster.

- Stacking trains. (I mean.. it was the 2nd day of operations!)

- Slow line

- You are NAWT and UltraDork!

- Last rider in the station

- Turning down the chance to ride with 3 young girls

- Biggest tool on the planet

You know you love me.

*falls off chair*

Who the heck was that?
Was that Ms Three-Other-Posts-in-the-last-Six-Months making a guess?
Uh huh. Who loves who now? ;)

-'Playa

More truth

- The ride op really DID know him.

And let this be a lesson to all you teen boys yipping about facts and coaster heights and all that dopey stuff: Nobody cares.

Look at 'er over there in Pennsylvania, just obsessing away for days on a brutha. What was real? What was not? See? Funny guys get all the hot stalker chicks.

And that's a great big ol' FACT.

-CO

*** Edited 3/26/2004 5:01:59 PM UTC by CoastaPlaya***