Homey G's "Don't try this at home" Joe C Insano Trip 03 (Pt. 1)

Associated parks:

TR started 11:14 AM

Parks visited :

Dorney Park Wed afternoon
Hershey Park Wed Evening
Hershey Park Thursday AM
Knoebels Few hours on Thursday
Hershey Park Thursday PM
SFNE Friday AM
Lake Comp. Few hours on Friday
SFNE Friday PM
SFGrAdv Saturday

**Reader's Note : I have no idea exactly how long this will be, so if you are offended by potentially short or potentially long TR's, I advise you to turn back now. Also I can't be responsible for anything contained within that you may or may not find funny. You've been warned**

Ladies and Gentleman, your participants :

Brian Yarborough (the Homey one)
Joe Campanella (the Legendary one)
Keith McVeen (the Badnitrus one)
Rob Vacarro (the Robcoasting one?)

Although this trip had been on the books for a while now, it didn't come together until the last week or so, which is completely typical of trips involving Joe. This can turn out quite nicely sometimes, and other times turn out quite ugly. Fortunately for us, there were much more nice than ugly on this trip. But when you take a guy like me who likes to plan things out on trips and take him OUT of the planning, it can get hairy. But this Joe fellow is touched by something otherworldly, cause it really turned out quite nice. You have to understand, Joe can do a weeklong trip and spend less than 25 bucks, but it's a little more Indiana Jones-ish than I prefer. That said, of the 4 nights we were to spend on this trip, only one was to be spent in a hotel. Joe's "connections" were to take care of the rest. This meant staying with folks I didn't know, but part of the fun of trips like this is trusting your life with total strangers who could sneak in and give you a Cuban Necktie while you slumber. The good news is, there were no Cuban neckties, but actually lots of pastries instead. More to follow...

The trip for me begins bright... errr dark and early at 4 AM Wednesday. Earlier, Rob had driven his OPEC-friendly V8 GMC Jimmy from Orlando, rendezvoused with Joe and Keith in Hotlanta. Keith had flown in from Illinois earlier that evening. After Rob and Keith rested a bit while Joe finished working (got off at around midnight or something after a 10 hour day??) they drove the 2.5 hours north to Greenville, SC getting here very close to 4 AM, if memory serves me. I had never met Rob in person before, so after a quick "yo" we were off. 2 minutes later, we stopped for petrol and I paid the first dollar of about 68 for gas on that trip. Like I said, OPEC friendly, but thanks Rob for driving! Joe was driving, cause he's weird like that. I know the first thing I wanna do after working a big ass shift is get in the car and drive about 8 hours. Well, the perk of doing stuff like that is you get to keep people awake with you by blasting stuff like Brand New, Linkin Park, and YellowCard really loud. ;)

Anywhen, Dorney was to be 652 miles from my house (or 10.5 hours according to MapQuest). So that means 8 if you're talking to Joe. Now the funny part is, I had never been to Dorney and was looking forward to it. However, this JoeC Insano trip called for spending about 2 hours there. Yes, 2 hours. With 6 credits to get in, and looking at hitting the park around 4 PM, I wasn't thinking it was gonna happen. Joe swears Dorney is a 2 hour park, and we were to be at Hershey by 8 for their preview night, so...

En route to Dorney is where the joke of the trip took place. We were discussing Dorney's coasters and what everyone liked and didn't like. Now, I don't remember exactly what was said, but I remember the gist of it. Joe was in the midst of his diatribe about what he liked and said something along the lines of "Dorney's coasters are ok, but the only one I really like is Talon." Now normally that's not that funny of a sentence, but when it's said the way Joe said it, it's virtually the most hysterical thing I'd heard in years. Keep in mind, lack of sleep here people. Now, phonetically I'm gonna write out exactly how the word Talon came out of his mouth.


Joe is from the Chicago area, I believe, originally but now lives in Atlanta. So whatever has happened to him up to now has led to this weird accent which seems to have some Jersey in it somehow. Well, I called him on it immediately and said, "Did you just say 'Teeeaalun??" Hilarity ensues as he realizes he has no grasp on pronunciation. I mean, it literally sounded like his mouth took an entire trip around his face to say this word. Good times.

By the time we had hit the PA state line, the joke should have run it's course, but somehow was still really funny until traffic from hell set it. Then nothing was funny as it seemed Dorney's two hour window might be reduced even more. By the time we finally pulled into Dorney, it was all over 4:30 PM. Here's where it really got strange.. and bad. Joe's friend from Atlanta had taken his video camera to Florida without asking, so Joe somehow got him to overnight the camera to Dorney Park, but had forgotten the charger. So Joe's friend Dave Johnson (a guy that can make you laugh without even saying anything) was going to let him borrow his charger. Keith needed to go talk to the PR people so he took off. Joe needed to meet up with Dave to get the charger and find a place to charge his camera. Yes, you read that right. Joe is completely not above leaving his camera at random places, without supervision, plugged up either legally or illegally, to an outlet to charge his camera. What a guy. Rob, on the other hand, needed to change clothes from his highly metrosexual outfit to a much more toned down slightly metrosexual outfit. Not a problem, cause he has ninja skills, and can easily catch up to groups. Seriously, I'm convinced he carries around those little explosive powders and can smash them on the ground and appear out of nowhere. ME on the other hand, I had the easiest job of anyone. Just get a season pass. No problem right? I'm headed to MiA and CP in July, and also CMania in September so a pass here was a great idea. Woulda been a better idea in January at Solace, but I'm not all that bright as it turns out.

**Insensitive comments follow.. due warning (Eddie Murphy reference used with permission)**

Anyway, around 4:45 I walk up to the ticket booth where I was greeted by a girl with a name that was something like "Tzkewchqa". I saw that she was
one of our international friends, so I tried to keep it simple. I handed her my credit card and said two words "Season Pass". She took my card and returned it with a slip stating a price of $10.50. I politely shook my head and said "I need a season pass? They are $98 dollars, yes? She said "GooleyGooGoo" and perhaps grunted. She took the slip and gave it to her other international friend who stared blankly at me. I repeated the phrase, this time with a little bit of heat in my voice as I looked at 5 PM rapidly approaching. They shared a few more "GooleyGooGoo's" with each other then returned the slip to me and said "Sign and then difference for pass". Thinking I could sign for this and then the difference be charged for the pass I signed it. But Gooley #2 then handed my credit card, the slip, and waved at "Guest relations". Ok, I was seriously pissed now as I stood in line behind someone else at Guest Relations. To my extreme happiness, I was greeted by, YES, someone who has a grasp of MY LANGUAGE!! I told her of the situation and how I thought the worst thing you could ever do is have a bunch of international people taking our money and basically being the first experience anyone has with their park. I told them that I appreciated that these Romanian people work for pennies, but that Von Helsing killed Dracula at the end of the movie and that they were no longer in any real danger back in Bucharest or whereever the hell they came from. Long story short, I got my pass in a shade under 25 minutes.

Needless to say, I was pissed. Fortunately, Joe was nearly done suckering another GooleyGooGoo-type person into watching his camcorder charge, and
after a quick greet with Dave, we headed to *gasp* an actual coaster. Teeaaaalun wasn't currently running, so we headed down Mt. Everest towards ThunderHawk (186). Here, I found out about Dorney's ghey policy about no hats on rides. Even better, I was informed by GooleyGooGoo #3 about it. Anyway, I really enjoyed this coaster. Once we got on it, that is. One train operation meant a two train wait turned into 15 minutes. It didn't take me long to realize why this park isn't held in the highest regard. Anyway, the coaster. 1-3 had at LEAST 2 or 3 huge pops of airtime. Ahhh, yes good stuff. It was a great little ride. I wish they hadn't
emasculated it by putting Steel Force where they did, but whatever. After getting a ride on ThunderHawk, we headed towards Steel Force (187). 10 minutes and we were on. Yay, it's fun. Certainly worth the 10ish hours we just spent on the road getting to this park. Seriously, it's kinda fun. The helix is fun. Up and down to the station. My expectations of this were met. Good thing I had NONE for it. It's forceless and a few bumps in the pullouts, but it was a coaster, right?

After that we went for a ride on their ALL NEW FOR 2004 attraction! Revolution! Claws are fun! Oh wait, it was down all day, so we headed past it to
Lazer (188). I really like Schwarzkopfs a ton. This is a Doppel Looping if I'm not mistaken, and it didn't disappoint. After this we figured while we waited
for Keith to finish up with the PR people, we'd take a spin on Dragon Coaster, which WOULD have been my first powered coaster, credit or not. It was not to be, but it did afford us an opportunity to drive the ride op crazy. After telling us we didn't make the heighth requirement (42" or less), we informed her we were indeed tall enough. She said, you guys need to go ride the big rides and pointed at Lazer. I don't remember who started it first, but Joe and I clicked into Jersey accent and said "No, we're already ridden the Teealun ride". She said, "That's Lazer, not Talon". We said "OH NO! That's the Teaaalun with the green and the pretty purple!". She got mad, which was her first mistake. "That's not TALON! That's Lazer!!" I said "Oh Joe, sorry, (pointing at Lil' Lazer) THAT'S the Lazer, and (pointing at Lazer) THAT'S the Teeaalun!" She was fuming mad. "I work here, I know what I'm talking about..." at this point Joe broke off laughing and walked away. We met up with Keith, he took the camera and headed back off to film some. Dave, Rob, Joe and I headed over to Skyscraper so I could ride one of these. Rob
was pleasant enough to ride with me. These are tons of fun. Good times.

We picked up the Whip, which was my first full-sized-ride on one of these. Then we were going to go over and let me pick up the kiddie coaster, but Dave and I
somehow lost Rob and Joe. We figured they said screw it and headed to Talon (pronounce it in your head Teeeaaalun from here on out, but I don't wanna type it anymore) since they had both been to the park before. So we skipped the kiddie and headed to the Mouse (188) which was running nearly brakeless. I said we'd skip the kiddie, but I wanted to at least get the Mouse. Turns out, Rob and Joe had stopped at the bathroom without telling us, so together we headed to Talon (189). We snagged a front seat ride for visuals and I was amazed how silent it was. I dunno, just didn't seem right. Great ride. After exiting the queue, we met up with Keith who had looked for us at Steel Force (ouch). Joe tossed his camera in a bush cause he didn't wanna hold it (yes, this TOO is very normal). So heading for the back of Talon, we're one train away, and yep.. it goes down. Joe gets pissed and started getting angry at B&M. ;) Keith quickly told him to quit *****ing, since he hadn't ridden ANYTHING today. At this point it was nearing 7:15 and Joe got itchy to leave and head towards Hershey. After a quick huddleup, we decided that we'd leave at 7:30 if it didn't open. Minutes later it did, we snagged a backseat ride. It's 7:34 at this time, and in typical Joe form tells the group he needs one more ride and tells us to start walking towards the car and he'd catch up. Bullhell I said, and went with him. 3 rides on Talon, and we were outta there. After a quick bite at McDonalds... I say quick.. the line was like 20 minutes easy. We headed to Hershey..

Thanks for reading. More later, and the first day hasn't even been completely told yet. *Sigh* These TRs. No wonder I never finish. DAMN my Uncle Remus ways! ;)

joe.'s avatar
So which one of you is Brer Bear? ;-) Nice TR so far!
As an ethnic minority myself, I am saddened, shocked and deeply offended by your portrayal of our hard-working foreign friends.

As a performing artist, I am perhaps even more disappointed that you not only plagiarized a performance but misrepresented such a criminal act as sanctioned activity undertaken with authorized permission.

Long story short...

It's GOONEY-Goo-Goo, dammit! GOONEY. Goo. Goo.

Or 'Geeeuney' if you ask certain people. But otherwise...


*** Edited 6/17/2004 5:20:43 PM UTC by CoastaPlaya***

NOTE: Severe fecal impaction may render the above words highly debatable.

Yeah, I was like 8 when I last saw Delerious. Besides, I got permission from Charlie Murphy (aka The Darkness), in case you were wondering.
Mamoosh's avatar
Great TR, Homey...but you left out the part about the orgy ;)
rendezvoused (+4)
petrol (+4)
diatribe (+8)
heighth (-2..this word creeps me out to hear it, and I don't like it any better written either)

I told them that I appreciated that these Romanian people work for pennies, but that Von Helsing killed Dracula at the end of the movie and that they were no longer in any real danger back in Bucharest or whereever the hell they came from.

Did you really say that? Pretty funny.

Here, I found out about Dorney's ghey policy about no hats on rides.

1-I appreciate the new and improved spelling of "g@y"

2-Seeing Brian without a hat is a rare and special occasion, like seeing Joe C. in sleeves.

Anxiously awaiting an installment where you actually talk about parks you visited for more than an hour ;) ,


"Want to be upside down, maybe thrown from side to side" - The New Pornographers, The Fake Headlines


There was no orgy. ;) No one else had correct plumbing. Sorry to disappoint. You'll have to contact Joe about anything else that may have occured unbeknownst to me. :D


While I'm not sure it was exactly in those words, I'm quite sure I said something along those lines, cause the girl laughed, and agreed. The worst part is I can't even blame it on NAFTA. :( *** Edited 6/18/2004 3:17:03 AM UTC by Homey G.***

Seeing Brian without a hat is a rare and special occasion, like seeing Joe C. in sleeves.

Now THAT is hilarious Dawn!!

Great TR so far Brian... I scrolled it at first thinking it was our whole trip and my mouth dropped when I realized it was hardly even the first day!

-Keith "Badnitrus" McVeen

LOL, this is the funniest TR I have come across in a while. Yo homey, did you apply for Fox's Last Comic standing? :). I am waiting anxiously for the rest.

Fate is the path of least resistance.

Thanks a lot Antuan! It's good to know someone thinks you're funny. I hope to have parts 2-??? ready soon. ;)
great TR, can't wait for more. Also, Im sorry, why are you offended by his discription of our hard working foreign friends?? Im not saying foreigners shouldn't be working at parks or anything like that, Im glad they can gets jobs and stuff, but the point is, Speak-English. Simple. Speak english, and if you put someone in that particular position at a park dealing with a multitude of guests, then they should be able to communicate well with them. Especially when it involves the ability to move guests quickly. I would have been pretty mad if I had faced the same situation, they are there to make sure you get what you need in a timly fasion, if they can't, they aren't doing the job right. Sorry I don't want to offend anybody, but its something that is becoming more of a problem. Again, nice TR and humorous as well! *** Edited 6/18/2004 2:52:49 AM UTC by P18***
Brian, your a very sick dude, which is a good thing. I was hysterical throughout, but can't you spend another 2 hours finishing one day so as not to make me crazy reading 2 TRS for each day.

Your PC skills are a -8.5 which is great in my book. When you work at a place that you cannot be PC, it is differcult to deal with the real world. Glad to see you just refuse to.

Oh, You had the WD-40 kid, the Chicago transplant, Bad Nitrous and the Charlotte Asylum Escapee in one vehicle, makes you want to stop driving all together :). Hope you kids had fun.


An Old Coaster fart that refuses to grow old, I just wish many of my friends could have as well!

When Joe told me about this trip, I though he was insane.

-Matt D.
rollergator's avatar
Great TR there Brain...:)

Since we're on the subject of "nationalities, etc.", and it IS ten years since OJ, I guess I'll chime in that, IIRC, the *proper* ethnic slur, as applied in the case, was "Colombian Necktie"...;)

One thing I remember about Dorney was the McDonald's across the street SEEMED like an easy hit on the way to Knoebels phor PPP '01...ugh! Apparently slow service is contagious around Allentown..."and we're waiting here in Allentown"...;)

Is this where I point out how annoying it is that parks won't allow us "semi-adults" our ONE spin on the kiddie coaster WHEN there are NO "real children" waiting to ride...I fully appreciate the strain on the lift motor, and at times have offered to ride one or two adults at a time in an effort to accommodate, but when even the "managers" at an absolutely VACANT Frontier City can't seem to agree on a policy or how it should be enforced, can't you just make a big kid happy....I promise to spend more in the gift shop....;) If kids can ride WITH their adults, then adults are already ON the coaster...

Even though heighth MAY be a word, I still prefer the phrase "height requirement"...:)

Joe being angry at B&M....how did you FAIL to get a picture of that moment???!!

You still have Zoidberg.... You ALL have Zoidberg! (V) (;,,;) (V)

coasterqueenTRN's avatar

This has to be one of the most hilarious TR's I have read yet! You are nuts Brian, that's why we love ya!

It's funny when you can actually visualize what's happening as you are reading! :-D

Keep 'em coming!


Thanks Tina. That's what I wanted, was for you to picture it... all except for how pissed I was dealing with the international girl. You should enjoy the other parts too... when I get around to doing them.. hopefully tomorrow sometime. ;)
i only got when question when you gonna change your tag line to spell that last word Teeeaaalun?
LMAO Brian. Your TRs are killer. Can't wait for the rest.

I can't beleive the didn't let you ride Dragon Coaster. We were there 6/4 and had no problem riding it. Granted Jordan was with us but we had other childless friends with us and they rode no problem.

The one thing that irked me was when Jordan went to ride Lil Lazer. As we walked up to put Jordan in line (which nobody else was in), we noticed at least 4 pre-teens that were well over the height restriction (in this case) were riding. So Steve asked GooneyGooGoo, if he could ride with Jordan and she promptly said "no". He asked why and she said "you too tall." So, of course, we asked why there were girls currently riding who obviously too tall, "they just tall kids" was the answer we got. What a double standard.

Absolutely Insane! Hysterical as well.... 2 hours at a park the size of Dorney....that's freakin' hardcore.

Oh, to get a job with more PTO *picture Scott daydreaming....

Glad you had a blast; can't wait for the rest.


"Victory means exit strategy, and it's important for the President to explain to us what the exit strategy is." --Texas Governor George W. Bush, April 9, 1999, on the US intervention in Kosovo
Mamoosh's avatar
Oh, to get a job with more PTO *picture Scott daydreaming....

Yeah...maybe then you'd have time to chat on AIM ;)

mOOSH [I gots me a GID!]

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