Definitive source for misleading or downright false amusement park information launches with new URL

Posted Monday, November 25, 2002 4:18 AM | Contributed by Childs

Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors announced today its for-real-this-time launch at http://absolutelyreliable.com. The site launched initially in early September has brought mirth to hundreds of thousands of readers; with the new domain, it expects to see its traffic zoom to levels approaching those reached by Yahoo!.

Contemporaneous with the new URL, ARN&R announced the opening of its long-awaited and poorly-stocked store, Ye Olde Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors Shoppe, at http://absolutelyreliable.com/shoppe. At opening, the shop had three hastily-designed shirts for sale at excessive prices, including one t-shirt referencing suet and ARN&R-branded boxer shorts. Within hours of the store’s opening, the store’s servers went down, due presumably to the massive traffic resulting from ARN&R’s adoring readers. At press time, ending a national nightmare, the server had been returned to service.

ARN&R comprehensively covers all aspects of the amusement industry, with stories covering S&S Power’s expansion into meat and meat-related products; Congressman Ed Markey’s attack on the dangers of shuffleboard; enthusiasts’ inability to spell, date, or speak about anything besides coasters; ’80s metal band Ratt’s desire to get a coaster themed after it, Six Flags’s prototype “parking lot”-themed coaster; Cedar Fair’s decision to rename itself Seven Banners; and Paramount’s 2003 plans to give free lettuce to all patrons in response to Holiday World’s successful free soda promotion.

Early reviews of ARN&R have been overwhelmingly positive. Noted literary critic “mrceagle” noted: “As a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all [sic] of my family take parks very seriuslyand [sic] all thow [sic] we laffed [sic] after time we were apoled [sic] by the joke.”

The above press release contains forward-looking statements and should not be relied upon for anything. Any suggestion of traffic levels or any other factual assertions should be taken with a grain of salt roughly the size of Dom Delouise. ARN&R is a wholly owned subsidiary of Tremendous Imposition Productions, which is itself a wholly owned subsidiary of Two Porches Productions, which is a wholly owned subsidiary of EACLGCWGCDRC Productions, which is owned by Dick Van Patten (but not the Dick Van Patten you’ve heard of) in an odd corporate structure involving Enron and the National Pork Producers Council. I never thought I’d taste a premade sandwich that good.

Link: Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors

Monday, November 25, 2002 4:42 AM
CPLady's avatar Heh...I know what I'm going to do on MY lunch hour today...

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I'd rather die living than live like I'm dead

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Monday, November 25, 2002 5:10 AM
I've added the link to my favorites already! Good stuff.
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Monday, November 25, 2002 5:51 AM
Mamoosh's avatar No doubt, CP Lady...I love this site!

*** This post was edited by Mamoosh on 11/25/2002. ***

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Monday, November 25, 2002 6:26 AM

This site is GREAT!!

I read it almost everyday!

The classic article was about Six Flags "Fast Pass"!

Almost bust my gut!

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Monday, November 25, 2002 7:49 AM
Sawblade5's avatar I am now Bookmarking this site its too funny.

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Chris Knight
"I'm so excited - It's an Arrow ride!"
On Sunday, Oct 27th 2002, I rode The Orient Express @ WOF 60 times.

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Monday, November 25, 2002 8:02 AM
It's all about the ARN&R! Love the site, it's like the writer(s) peeked inside my head and published the most scandalous thoughts about the industry and enthusiasts. Bravo!

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Mike Miller

"You're trouble, Trouble Boy!"

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Monday, November 25, 2002 8:59 AM
This site is like The Onion for coaster enthusiasts. I like.

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Monday, November 25, 2002 9:58 AM
I am ROTF.....this is worth skipping work for!
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Brad Sherman
"I had a good summer. I went to Great America, then I got Mono." - Wayne Campbell, SNL
Model coasters and rides
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Monday, November 25, 2002 10:02 AM
The S&S Meat article was one of the best ever!

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-Rob
Don't forget to vote for your favorite wooden coasters @ http://www.geocities.com/wcoasterpoll - the polls are open until November 30th!

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Monday, November 25, 2002 10:48 AM
Stan Checketts standing atop the hot dog heater, hahaha...
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Monday, November 25, 2002 11:05 AM
Awesome, I needed a laugh.

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Coming in 2003-The Spawn Of Magnum!
Ode to the offseason:
Offseason Offseason what shall I do? Who cares the sun is still shining the sky is still blue! GET A LIFE!

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Monday, November 25, 2002 11:24 AM
kpjb's avatar This is really a reliably, consistently funny site. I found it in the CB links a while back, and usually visit every day to see if there's something new.

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If you could just see the beauty... these things I could never describe. Pleasures and wayward distraction; is this my wonderful prize? --Joy Division

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Monday, November 25, 2002 5:13 PM
I love the site, as well. It's the amusement industry's answer to The Onion.

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--Oat Boy
My page

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Monday, November 25, 2002 7:48 PM
rollergator's avatar

CPLady said:

"Heh...I know what I'm going to do on MY lunch hour today..."

Gator says:

"Why wait 'til lunch hour"...;)

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Wednesday, November 27, 2002 9:08 AM
Why am I so entertained by that site? I can't stop laughing at the B&M article or the S&S article!
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Thursday, November 28, 2002 7:29 PM
Great site! I love it already. I liked the article about Six Flags buying South Dakota.

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21 Cedar Point Trips in 2002.
-Chris Woodard

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