CoasterTools Anonymous...Come confess your guilt

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 9:50 AM
Hello. My name is Captain Obvious and I'm a CoasterTool.

According to a certain all-knowing sage among us, thrillseekers ride thrill rides, wimps ride family rides and any thrillseeker who rides family/kiddie coasters and non-thrilling rides are big fat tools. So let me be the first to admit I'm a big naughty no-no boy who should sit facing the corner.

I guess it all started sometime in 2002 at Universal Studios Florida. I was too far away from Dueling Dragons and Hulk for a quick fix and Woody Woodpecker's NutHouse Coaster started looking so holly-jolly. "Ga-ha-ha-HA-ha! Ga-ha-ha-HA-ha!" it called. "Ride me, jackass! Ride me! I'm so shiny!" The first hit is always free, isn't it? It always seems like you can stop at any time...

Next thing you know, I was power-riding Caro-Seuss-El, tugging away at a McSnorfellyGorfelly bridle and laughing my fool head off. Excuse me (sniff) I'm a little verklempt. I'm gonna need a moment. Let me regain my composure.

Okay, I have to do this. I might drop one of those long, trailing cool tears now and then, but I'm gonna be a man about it. Real men aren't afraid to show their feelings. Whoooosaaaah.

Alright, where was I? Oh yeah--there I was with all the silly music and those little gears a-turnin, just goin' round and round in a circle--no G forces, no loopies, no scary thrilly stuff--and when the ride came to a stop, there was...there FAMILY! Booooohooohooohooo! I'm sobbing openly now, I can't help it! I can't believe they caught me! I was so ashamed to hear five year-old CMdidget say, "Daddy, what the #*&% are you doing?" and CBaby yell, "We gotta TALK...on Dr. Doom's FearFall. NOW!"

Can I be the only one who's addicted to non-thrilling rides even if I didn't have kids? Am I alone in my guilt and shame? Come confess your sins. Together we can beat this.

*** Edited 3/2/2004 2:51:30 PM UTC by CoastaPlaya***

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 10:20 AM
As long as you're not one of the tools that writes me and says I must find a way to get coasters in traveling shows in the database so they can add them to their track record.
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 11:08 AM
My little guy is tall enough to ride Little Shaver at Camp Snoopy by himself, but Dad still finds the need to go with. My legs don't fit and I think the train moves slower because of my large girth but I can't help myself! That does feel better to talk about it. Okay here is more, I have to ride the Nascars with him as well, not to mention the hot air balloons, Bloomington Express train ride, the trucks and frog hopper! Its worse than I thought. Captain Obvious please help!
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 11:32 AM
Hi. I'm Brian, and I'm a CoasterTool.

I first realized that I had a problem in line for the Great Race Antique Cars at SFA. I just couldn't walk past those gas-powered contraptions without stopping to take a spin. "I could bump these" I told myself, "and that's still thrilling." Of course, I was fooling only myself, particularly because I don't bump the cars---it's against the rules.

But, last week, during a family trip to Disneyland and DCA, I truly hit bottom. I rode Screamin' only once, but Gadget's Go Coaster *three* times---the frog spit is great! My three year old son describes "that red roller coaster" as "just crazy."

But, that's not all. Small World six times in seven days. Six times! Sure, I rode Splash Mountain twice, and even hopped over to Knott's for Ghostrider and Xcelerator, but that was just a side trip to me. I was aching for one more trip around King Arthur's Carousel, one more chance encounter with the Practically Perfect Mary Poppins herself, one more trip around the Disneyland Railroad.

So, now that I'm here at the lowest point possible, I've come to you all for help. I can make it, though, one bunny hill at a time.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 12:05 PM
I too am a Coaster Tool.

I've been doing it so long that I'm not even sure where or when it began. I just know the last few years of my life are a blur of kiddie coasters, ferris wheels, carousels, and slow moving dark rides and I need it to end.

It's so relieving to know I'm not the only one.

*sobbing* Cue dramatic, yet inspirational music.

"Hi. My name is Gonch and I have a problem..."

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 12:22 PM
Um, no.

/forever DINK

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 12:29 PM
Tools, when not in use, should remain locked up and silent in the tool box. ;) *** Edited 3/2/2004 5:31:23 PM UTC by boblogone***

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 12:33 PM
You think that's bad Brian then try riding that stupid balloon ferris wheel that's located not too far from great race.

A friend & I once rode that stupid thing just for the fun of it & found it to be a complete waste of time...I don't see how even a five or six year old could get any real enjoyment out of it.

Great race however isn't so bad & plenty of adults ride the would be better if they replaced the roadsters with the old nascar go karts from sonora speedway though :),talk about one fast family oriented ride.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 12:37 PM
< tool.
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 1:34 PM

Okay, this pale bizkit has worked on Woodstock's Express (among other "family" rides at CP's Camp Snoopy). To me a family ride is one in which a family with small children can ride together, but that doesn't exclude the fact that anyone who wants to ride, can.

I loved test rideing WE early in the morning. Woo Hoo. I noticed that about 1/4 of the guest in line to ride it didn't have a kid. It's a great ride and it tricks kids a little because of it's intensity.

This brings up another kids ride that I worked on, P-Fliers at IOA. The park has been very unsucessfull in establishing it to park guests as a kiddy ride. In other words, a lot of adult and big kid guests have wanted to ride and were very surprised and angered when told they couldn't. "What, It's a kiddy ride? No-I mean this one" (points up to P-Fliers). It is a family ride, but the park doesn't want guests to know that it is.

What I am saying is that I agree that family rides don't have to be restricted to just familys.

I really like Woody Woodpecker and Flying Unicorn (an almost clone of WE!). I consider Roller Skaters to be Vekoma's best products. They are small but surprisingly intense. I loved seeing dizzy children walking down WE's exit ramp making strange giggle noises, BUT dizzy adults make those same noises, only a little deepr and gruffer.

The grown-ups who were lucky enough to have had a chance to ride P-Fliers seemed to really enjoy it as well.

I always try to ride the family rides at parks. One of my favorite coasters is a family ride, Adventure Express at PKI.

I'll pretty much enjoy riding anything with a seat that moves. I am even looking forward to my DelGrosso's Park's new kiddie coaster.

So, I confess to liking family rides. I agree with my arch-nemesis, and will foil him in his plans to take over the world.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 2:43 PM
I am in denial. :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 3:11 PM
Chitown! Get out of that river!
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 3:21 PM

dexter said:The grown-ups who were lucky enough to have had a chance to ride P-Fliers seemed to really enjoy it as well.

I know I sure did. Can't say the same for the 5 or 6 trees that I kicked, though. I think they got pretty pissed.

P-flyers really is a pretty fun ride. It's underrated.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 3:27 PM
For the past 10 years (but not this year) in the dead of Wisconsin winter my family and I have traveled up to Camp Snoopy for their New Years Eve Party. Up until last year it was a closed event in which you were allowed unlimited rides from 9-2 (originally cut back to 12 a couple of years ago). As you can imagine a great many trips on the Pepsi Ripsaw (including a first one that involved sprinting to it from the enterance, the shame!) as well as the Log Ride and when added Ghost Blasters.
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 7:11 PM
I too enjoy the family coasters. This is also due in part to my father, who is one of those poor souls whose body simply can't take thrill rides. (I've tried several on him, with poor results.) Therefore, we've certainly enjoyed assorted mine trains, dark coasters, suspended coasters, water rides, Vekoma juniors etc. Those types of coasters are a good thing for parks to have for people like that and their families to enjoy.
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 7:37 PM
Hello, my name is Dave, and I am a CoasterTool.

I suppose my intentions are good, but I needed a quick way to get my coaster count up near 100 (a certain damn cool individual knows why). So, in my Tooldom...

...I've been known to steal small children from their parents (with their consent of course) in order to get onto kiddy coasters and pad my count. And I've taken pictures to prove it.

Forgive me. :-(

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 7:42 PM

Forgive me.

Say seven Hail Schwarzkopf's. We all make mistakes sometimes and surely this sin is no different than the trials and tribulations others here have experienced.

Tuesday, March 2, 2004 7:58 PM
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 8:05 PM
Looks like time for an intervention. Who wants to start?

The first of the 12 steps is putting your faith in a Higher Lift Hill...


Tuesday, March 2, 2004 8:22 PM
Man CPlaya, I knew you were a Loooooser -- but I had no idea you were a TOOL! LOL!

BTW: We should be back in the twin cities soon to try out Timberland Twister. Won't be for a couple of weeks since we will be in Florida starting Thursday and then we have CC's opening day when we get back. So be scared! ;)


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