Breakwater Beach & Casino Pier - Seaside Heights, New Jersey - Wednesday, July 20

This time it was just me...planning to spend the day at Seaside Heights...or more North if traffic would be a factor.

Weather: very hot, no chance for rain, 90s...part of a heatwave.

Left western Long Island later than I wanted to and hit the usual traffic on the Belt Parkway and the Staten Island Expressway. When I got to the West Shore it was smooth sailing until I left the Garden State Parkway where I sat in traffic caused by both construction and a bad accident on Route 37 for a few miles - including the bridge.

Quick side story...many of the rest stops on the Garden State Parkway are being renamed and fixed up. Well one of the busiest is the Jon Bon Jovi stop after the Driscoll Bridge. Well, Jon must be on tour somewhere because nobody is taking care of it and the bathrooms were unusably filthy. I had to travel about 25 more miles to handle my swollen colon. Judy Blume's rest area was spotless! Come on Jon...you've got to up your game!

I got a spot in the municipal lot at $2 per hour, which I thought was reasonable. I ponied up for five hours with the option to add more if need be.

While online an armed security officer took his place behind me. Apparently he was there to enforce the "early morning pricing." Since I was on line before a certain time, I would save a few dollars. Every one else after me would have to pay full price. He explained this to those getting in line behind me about a dozen time and everyone who entered the line seemed to be fine with it. He was the perfect balance of polite, firm, fair and professional. By the way, early bird adult admission is $38 instead of $43. There are other prices for kids and seniors and a ride and slide combo for $75. The rides would be a two hour wristband.

It took about 15 minutes to get in, buy a wristband, have it scanned, and another ten minutes to go to the bathroom and search for a spot in the shade. The park was building a small crowd, but everything was manageable.

By the way, something hysterical happened in the bathroom. All of a sudden I heard a woman's voice BOOMING from outside... "KAMIL...ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?" (Long pause...) "KAMIL...ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

I was expecting a tiny kid's voice, but no, it was this dude next to me who was starting to grumble to himself...

"I am just in the bathroom for two minutes taking a leak...shut up and leave me alone."

I started to laugh.

"She never *&^%$ shut's up. It's 24 - 7. Can't a guy just have a minute?"

"I get it. I understand. Every once in a while you just need to give yourself a time out."

"KAMIL ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?"

Poor Kamil...he was washing his hands and reluctantly got ready to go outside to meet his doom...sort of like a relief pitcher entering a baseball game with an eight run deficit in the ninth and the opposing team has the bases are loaded. I felt very bad for Kamil. Kamil was going to have a long day. Every day for Kamil is a long day.....

The Good:

The wave pool and the river were very refreshing. The wave pool had an on and off cycle that was about 10 - 12 minutes and the water was comfortable for the hot day.

The river had a few tubes that I had never seen before. They were more like chairs with a swath of material to hold your behind up. I noticed them later and didn't try one, but man did they look comfortable. The folks watching the river are able to launch air bubble bombs to those who floated by in one area and there are still ample amounts of polyurethane fish to slap. It was just comfortable and relaxing. A few bottlenecks along the way...but tried and true.

The food is still pretty good. It was not the best I ever had...but it was good and the time to order and receive it was about 15 min at a peak period. There was a condiment stand about 20 yards from the food ara and there are some tables along the way. They also have a deal where you can scan the menu from different places in the park and someone will bring out your food.

The slides were good and not too long. Typical - what you would expect slides. And that's a good thing. It's hard to mess up a water slide.

I may have mentioned in another report that it is getting hard for places to find lifeguards. Breakaway Beach had quite a few and they seemed happy. Today was "Super Hero Day" for the staff. The employees were able to add things to their outfits - so long as they did not interfere with their work. One guard was holding a Thanos glove and had an official park name-tag to match. I asked him if he snapped his fingers, would half of the people in the river disappear. He truly got into it and I enjoyed it too. Simple things like that can add to the monotony of a waterpark employee's job and make people happy at zero cost to anyone.

All over the park, there was not one person who was a standout in terms of rule-breaking or being a general pain in the neck. (Except perhaps for maybe Kamil's wife.) People waited in line and took their turns. Maybe just knowing that armed guards are around keeps everyone at their best behavior. Maybe there are still places for folks to relax and have a nice day and not cause stampedes or brawls. Long live these places.

I do not drink alcohol, but this park has two bars. Quite a few people were walking around with cocktails. I just hope they weren't driving home.

The Bad:

WATCH OUT FOR THE SEA-SIDE SEAGULLS! They are truly aggressive and relentless and have mastered the art of swooping down and taking unsupervised French fries from tables, plates, and a kid's finger who was feeding them. He was yelled at by another person to stop, but there are signs everywhere about it.

No pickles for the burgers. Bummer! A good burger needs a pickle and a bad burger needs a lot of pickles.

I am not a fan of the chairs that are low to the ground. If I am on a lounge chair at a waterpark, I want to stretch out and recline. The chairs there are not very comfortable.

I took a walk over to the ride section. They were not crowded, but help wanted signs were everywhere.

There is a nice collection of flats and a few coasters. I figured I would save the rides for when I go back with my son, but the one ride, Xola Loca needs a few words. If you look at its height, it's a kiddie coaster. But there are two cars that are round barrels where the riders ride around like the Looper ride at K'nobels. The other cars are flat and spin. The cycle is four times around. Visually, it's looked unusual. I am sure that it is popular and any attraction that can turn a kiddie coaster into a thrill ride is worthy of discussion. I also would have liked to have tried the indoor scrambler, but it posted a strict no-single-rider rule. I miss the one from Rye Playland - which is probably one of the reasons for the rule.

I did go on the chair lift ride. Going north it was scenic and warm and I could see that a lot of people drop their presumably expired ride cards onto the roof of the lifeguard station and bathroom facility. There was also a fantastic display of sand sculptures that was VERY impressive. Going back there was a sea breeze that was PERFECT!

After a while of walking the boardwalk a little more, I went to visit some of the fishing and bait and tackle shops in the area. Then I headed home to beat the rush.

It was a nice visit..a wonderful day...that I will treasure for a long time. And if you are driving across the bay on the bridge and the wind is just right...if you listen closely you can still hear...."KAMIL ARE YOU ALMOST DONE IN THERE?"

Thank you for reading this.

Once we were at the Florida State Fair and along a midway somewhere I heard a commotion. The crowd parted to reveal some poor guy, a stroller, and his shrew of a wife. I couldn’t get in on what he did to her great annoyance but she was practically on top of him, berating him over and over. She was also kind of rough with the stroller. He just looked sheepish and didn’t seem all that bright.
A while later along another midway I was in the mens room and heard a familiar female voice. I looked around and the poor guy was in there leaning against a wall while his wife was screaming at him from just outside the door. Most of us in there kind of stopped and regarded him with looks and comments that read “poor dude, what on earth did you do?” One guy suggested he should just stay in there forever. We left and there she was, mad as hell, screaming into the mens room door for him to come out.
I’ll never forget that day and the horrible woman who woke up that day and chose violence.
And the state fair.